[ it’s different from last time. no patches of fur, no vague (or not so vague) discomfort, not to mention he isn’t engulfed in heat this time. but cloud’s blood boils hot, the warmth radiating against his own skin almost immediately.
nier lets his arms drape around cloud as he gently nudge him up, just a tad. an entanglement forms, but it’s a nice one. ]
Not really. [ he answers bluntly. ]
I haven’t had a body in awhile. So it’s a little strange is all...
[He takes the direction and hitches himself up, just a little, just until his forehead lines up with Nier's own, arm loosely around him, fingers of one hand at the base of Nier's spine. The other hand moves to seek out his own, lifting his hand from over his shoulder to cradle it- in the same manner Nier had done to his a few days ago.
It's a comfortable enough position. It's even nice- usually lying in this position, even without someone beside him, just in a bed, would be unthinkable. It's too warm to do this normally. But this... It's okay. His body relaxes in this entanglement, and he allows himself to get comfortable.
He can feel the vibrations of Nier's chest as he speaks, eyes flicking upto his face.]
But you prefer being warm, right? So we can do this. Whenever you want.
[And.]
...How long ago did it happen? The choice you made. You don't look that much older than me.
[ cloud, he realizes, needed an excuse to do anything. it was as though he needed express permission, that he would be too ashamed otherwise. so nier wordlessly nestles a little closer, his chin lowering against cloud’s head. ]
Yeah. Whenever you want, too.
[ there’s a thoughtful hum that escapes him at that question. slowly, his eyes flutter shut. ]
2 years. I was 21 then. [ one eye opens. ] Ah...We’re around the same age, aren’t we? How old are you?
[That observation's an astute one, yet perhaps there's something else with it. Once something's shown to be okay, he... well, he's pretty unreserved. Affectionate, even- and from a few gentle nudges to Nier's jaw with the bridge of his nose, he settles to press it against the side of his neck, his breathing (hopefully) providing a little extra warmth for the other.]
Because I like this.
[21. Yeah, that looks about right. His hands're older though- but it's nothing that doesn't fit. Work and fighting made them calloused, wrinkled in places- hardened and toughened in others, but his face, his stance. They aren't indicative of belonging to an older person.
But at the question... He has to think.
Was it seven years? Or was it five? Tifa said... Seven. Yeah. He'd said five, when he met her again in Midgar. That's where he's getting confused. But yes. Seven.
That means...]
21.
[His response is unsure. He just needs to add that up again, and-]
Yeah. I'm 21, too.
[A pause. And.]
And your body's exactly the same as when you ...left it, right? Just like Aerith.
I could tell, [ nier teases, his fingers now moving to give his hair a bit of a ruffle. through cloud’s heat, he feels like less of a ghost, more of a flesh and body form again. it’s foreign — takes some adjustment too with the way it makes his heartbeat quicken. ]
I do too. [ even if i’m not used to it, he wants to add.
there’s an uncertainty in how cloud says that. nier doesn’t press it, but it is noted. ]
For your next birthday, I’ll make you a cake. Whatever you want that day, it’s yours. We can invite Aerith too...
[ another hum as he squeezes his eyes shut, thinking to himself. ]
Yeah. The way I passed wasn’t painful. I vanished...and it was over.
[The teasing should set him off into aversion, into shyness and into embarrassment, but... it's okay. He'd admitted it beforehand, and Nier's own agreement seems... well, far more of a positive than any regression that joke could bring on.
But his hair.
It's not as if it's anything close to freshly styled. If anything, it's flat- spikes brushed out, washed and dried before he slept but- - but it feels weird.
He responds by tightening his grip around him, his other hand falling from his own to twist in his shirt as he hisses his (exaggerated) displeasure- body twisting away from his own before pressing against it again when the ruffle ceases.
And he looks up at him, from behind his fringe, now.... sticking up, sure. But in a really weird way. ]
You don't have to. [He barely remembered when his birthday was. ...Two dates... come to mind. Which was it? ...He's unsure.]
When's your birthday, anyway?
[It's a distraction of a question, mostly something to tide over his own thought process. To make him not mention something- to make him not think of mentioning what seems so natural to say right now.]
[ wolves were wolves, that much was certain. the display is more dramatic than he'd expected — he watches, blinking, before cloud presses back against him. as cruel as it may be, a part of him had wanted to laugh a little at the sight of it all.
gingerly, the palm of his hand smooths circles into the curve of his spine. ]
I want to. There's a difference.
[ and there's another pause as nier mulls over the numbers. they're hard to remember — he...hasn't celebrated a birthday in a long, long time. ]
The 6th of June...I think.
[ he'd forgotten, even when he was young. the only person who remembered was—
[When Nier's hand moves against his spine, the only thing that answers it is another flash of his eyes upward- a flash of unnatural blue between disordered strands of messy hair- but he lowers them, again, making the decision in his head that it's alright.
...It shouldn't be. He shouldn't be here, with him, like this- but it's fine. And. He shifts a little before pressing his head into the crook of Nier's neck again.]
You're older than me. [Before he died, just barely. Now, substantially. He pauses, considering what he says next.
And.]
Then I'll get you something, too. I get it, if you don't celebrate it. And if you don't want it to be one, [Everything considered, and all.] then it won't be. It'll just be...
[Some thought's required. But.]
Something to say I'm happy you were born. That's all. Not like you'd be here otherwise.
[ his eyes are bright — electric blue, unnatural, and unlike anything he's ever seen.
he decides that he likes them.
"i could tell," is what nearly slips out. but it doesn't. cloud was young. too young, in some ways, he thinks. there is another silence before nier blinks at him, the slightest bit wide eyed, and brings his hand up slowly to delicately cup his face. ]
I'm happy, too — that I got to meet you...and that you're here with me.
[ something more selfish than wanting someone's birth. ]
[It's a good thing he doesn't say that. It'd probably make him self-conscious. Probably to the extent that the additional Thing of putting his hand on his cheek would make him pull away... even if he doesn't want to do so.
But he didn't say anything. So it's fine- he only lowers his eyes before returning them to Nier's face, his own hand moving from his chest to tuck his fingers into the spaces between Nier's own from the back of his hand.
It's an affectionate gesture. But if asked he'd probably say it was for no other reason than keeping Nier's hand warm. And he leaves it there, voice quiet as he responds.]
Then we're both happy.
[...And. If Nier's perceptive, he'd see a look of thought cross Cloud's face. He'd see his lips quirk, as if about to say something else, then his expression, briefly, turn saddened.
[ warmth floods into the gaps between his fingers; cloud’s heat intermingles with the harsh frost that’d been nier’s touch, and for a moment he feels human again, a thumb brushing up against his cheek as he leans in.
it’s done in increments, in inches — the silence is tense with something neither of them understand. ]
I’m alright.
[ and he continues to close the distance, until his lips are hovering near cloud’s and their foreheads are touching, hair grazing against his skin. ]
Can I?
[ it could ruin everything, sure. but he’ll be bold and take the leap anyways. ]
[He's not good at this. He's really not good at this.
It's obvious that Nier's not saying what he does, not insinuating what he is, as any kind of joke, or anything malicious. He knows him well enough by now to know it's not his style.
It's not a surprise it's happened, either. He'd thought the same thing himself. Probably the reason why he came here with him. Definitely the reason he allowed him to put his hands on him, for sure.
It's still unnerving though. In a way he can't explain, even in his head. His eyes lower, and he emits a small, quiet breath of a sigh- loosening his hand from Nier's, and bringing his eyes away.]
... I- Sorry.
[He moves. Away. He turns his body and half-raises his upper half on his elbow, as if in the act to get out of the bed. He's halfway up, anyway, and...
...It feels like the wrong thing. Not just for the sake of not obliging. Not for the sake of regret with regard to hurting feelings.
It's... It feels like he's disappointed.
He lowers himself down again. And he moves himself back- shuffling back, actually, pressing his back against Nier's torso. And he turns again, tipping his head up to clumsily catch the corner of Nier's lips in something small, unpractised, but lingering far too long to possibly be called innocent.
...Could've been far less messy if he'd have just went with it originally. But a mess is what tends to happen with him.]
[ well, he’d gone and ruined it – nier doesn’t push it, allowing cloud to break free from his grasp and watching as he rises half way. his heart sinks a little, features now visibly sullen as he scoots back, but he should’ve know better. ]
...It’s okay. I’m sorry.
[ he reassures him, even if the air is still and awkward.
but then cloud comes back, and he’s pressed flushed against him, radiating an intense amount of heat. at the peck and what becomes of it, nier is a little awe struck, confusion swarming him before he eases into it. but once he does, it’s reciprocated in full, and his hand tilts cloud’s chin up to catch him in a proper kiss this time.
cloud’s lips are surprisingly soft, he thinks, and his movements are stilted and strained...but he’s so gentle too. ]
[In this world any affectionate touch means the exchange of magic. Even amongst two monsters, given that they're both bonded to two witches. And as an affectionate touch, magic is certainly exchanged at the kiss, especially when adjusted. And said magic is heady and overwhelming- almost as overwhelming as any exposure to mako he'd been subjected to.
If holding hands that one night felt like a tidal pull, this feels more intense- when the magic moves from him to Nier, it's like being underwater. When the magic courses back to him from Nier, it's like coming up for air after a long time.
Even that doesn't explain his temperature going up a few more degrees though. Or the fact it feels like his heart's in his throat, feeling, at least, like it's about to burst from his mouth. That's not magic, or either of their changes. Or their senses. Or their abilities. That's him- the sensation, the emotion this small act- the man behind it- elicits from him. ]
Y-yeah.
[He responds, into the kiss, before breaking away and pressing his forehead against Nier's.]
...Sorry. Didn't-
[-know what to do. He hadn't imagined, with his history of... everything that anything he felt could be reciprocated.]
No- Never mind.
[His voice is low. He can still taste him. He lowers his eyes, swallowing, trying to slow his heartrate. Trying being the operative word.]
[ it feels like the sun washing over him, bright and warm, cradling him in its light. it’s like being filled to the brim, and for a moment he’s whole again, the comfort of another being wrapping all around him.
their foreheads are braced against one another, and selfishly, nier’s arms gently loop around cloud’s shoulders. his grip is slack enough that cloud can shove him off easily — but as the heat of his breath hits his face, nier’s eyes flutter shut, as if he’s bestowing cloud with some sort of privacy.
after all, it always was difficult for him to look him in the eye, wasn’t it? ]
You can do what you want. [ to me, and with me. ]
Because I want to, too.
...I wanted you here to start with — so I could be with you.
[He doesn't protest when he feels Nier's arms move over his shoulders. He should, he thinks- he should take this for what it was, say his goodbyes, and move back to the living room for the day, so they can both talk it over the next night.
That's the best thing to do. Aerith's just in the next room, the sun's almost up and she'll be awake soon, and she probably would look in on him. He should be there for the sake of being there, at least.
But he doesn't want to. Especially when he opens his eyes, and he sees Nier's own, closed, face at rest, expression peaceful- and he moves his own arm to rest his hand against his cold cheek. A leg move between Nier's own to hook into one of his- and his other arm rests against his chest- curling into his sleeping clothes.
Then his body relaxes.
And softly-]
I'm here. And I'll be here, where you want me to be. But you should go to sleep. I'm not going anywhere.
[ nier cradles him, like something delicate to be cherished and treasured — tiredly, his cheek rubs against his forehead. suddenly, a pair of ice-cold lips are pressed to cloud’s forehead. had nier not known any better, he’d think cloud had a fever right now. poor guy, resigned to this discomfort so frequently. ]
Cloud. [ nier says after a moment of silence, eyes still closed. ]
Come into my bed whenever you want. It’s yours now too.
[ he can feel it; the rise and fall of his chest against his own form. ]
...I want to do this more...
[ it’s entirely chaste — even if a part of him knew that realistically, that would change at some point. for now, he could relish this simply. ]
[His eyes half-open at that, before he closes them again, tilting his head carefully into the touch of his lips. Honestly... that makes him happy. In more ways than one- it's nothing to do with the offer of somewhere to sleep. Not really. It's more...
...complicated than that.]
Alright.
[He shifts slightly, trailing his knuckles against Nier's cheekbone. Then he pulls his hand away from his face; exhaling. He tilts his head up to catch his lips again, speaking lowly. Carefully.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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nier lets his arms drape around cloud as he gently nudge him up, just a tad. an entanglement forms, but it’s a nice one. ]
Not really. [ he answers bluntly. ]
I haven’t had a body in awhile. So it’s a little strange is all...
no subject
It's a comfortable enough position. It's even nice- usually lying in this position, even without someone beside him, just in a bed, would be unthinkable. It's too warm to do this normally. But this... It's okay. His body relaxes in this entanglement, and he allows himself to get comfortable.
He can feel the vibrations of Nier's chest as he speaks, eyes flicking upto his face.]
But you prefer being warm, right? So we can do this. Whenever you want.
[And.]
...How long ago did it happen? The choice you made. You don't look that much older than me.
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Yeah. Whenever you want, too.
[ there’s a thoughtful hum that escapes him at that question. slowly, his eyes flutter shut. ]
2 years. I was 21 then. [ one eye opens. ] Ah...We’re around the same age, aren’t we? How old are you?
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[That observation's an astute one, yet perhaps there's something else with it. Once something's shown to be okay, he... well, he's pretty unreserved. Affectionate, even- and from a few gentle nudges to Nier's jaw with the bridge of his nose, he settles to press it against the side of his neck, his breathing (hopefully) providing a little extra warmth for the other.]
Because I like this.
[21. Yeah, that looks about right. His hands're older though- but it's nothing that doesn't fit. Work and fighting made them calloused, wrinkled in places- hardened and toughened in others, but his face, his stance. They aren't indicative of belonging to an older person.
But at the question...
He has to think.
Was it seven years? Or was it five?
Tifa said...
Seven. Yeah.
He'd said five, when he met her again in Midgar. That's where he's getting confused. But yes. Seven.
That means...]
21.
[His response is unsure. He just needs to add that up again, and-]
Yeah. I'm 21, too.
[A pause. And.]
And your body's exactly the same as when you ...left it, right? Just like Aerith.
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I do too. [ even if i’m not used to it, he wants to add.
there’s an uncertainty in how cloud says that. nier doesn’t press it, but it is noted. ]
For your next birthday, I’ll make you a cake. Whatever you want that day, it’s yours. We can invite Aerith too...
[ another hum as he squeezes his eyes shut, thinking to himself. ]
Yeah. The way I passed wasn’t painful. I vanished...and it was over.
no subject
[The teasing should set him off into aversion, into shyness and into embarrassment, but... it's okay. He'd admitted it beforehand, and Nier's own agreement seems... well, far more of a positive than any regression that joke could bring on.
But his hair.
It's not as if it's anything close to freshly styled. If anything, it's flat- spikes brushed out, washed and dried before he slept but-
- but it feels weird.
He responds by tightening his grip around him, his other hand falling from his own to twist in his shirt as he hisses his (exaggerated) displeasure- body twisting away from his own before pressing against it again when the ruffle ceases.
And he looks up at him, from behind his fringe, now.... sticking up, sure. But in a really weird way. ]
You don't have to. [He barely remembered when his birthday was. ...Two dates... come to mind. Which was it? ...He's unsure.]
When's your birthday, anyway?
[It's a distraction of a question, mostly something to tide over his own thought process. To make him not mention something- to make him not think of mentioning what seems so natural to say right now.]
no subject
gingerly, the palm of his hand smooths circles into the curve of his spine. ]
I want to. There's a difference.
[ and there's another pause as nier mulls over the numbers. they're hard to remember — he...hasn't celebrated a birthday in a long, long time. ]
The 6th of June...I think.
[ he'd forgotten, even when he was young. the only person who remembered was—
... ]
I don't celebrate.
no subject
...It shouldn't be. He shouldn't be here, with him, like this- but it's fine. And. He shifts a little before pressing his head into the crook of Nier's neck again.]
You're older than me. [Before he died, just barely. Now, substantially. He pauses, considering what he says next.
And.]
Then I'll get you something, too. I get it, if you don't celebrate it. And if you don't want
it to be one, [Everything considered, and all.] then it won't be. It'll just be...
[Some thought's required. But.]
Something to say I'm happy you were born. That's all. Not like you'd be here otherwise.
no subject
he decides that he likes them.
"i could tell," is what nearly slips out. but it doesn't. cloud was young. too young, in some ways, he thinks. there is another silence before nier blinks at him, the slightest bit wide eyed, and brings his hand up slowly to delicately cup his face. ]
I'm happy, too — that I got to meet you...and that you're here with me.
[ something more selfish than wanting someone's birth. ]
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But he didn't say anything. So it's fine- he only lowers his eyes before returning them to Nier's face, his own hand moving from his chest to tuck his fingers into the spaces between Nier's own from the back of his hand.
It's an affectionate gesture. But if asked he'd probably say it was for no other reason than keeping Nier's hand warm. And he leaves it there, voice quiet as he responds.]
Then we're both happy.
[...And.
If Nier's perceptive, he'd see a look of thought cross Cloud's face. He'd see his lips quirk, as if about to say something else, then his expression, briefly, turn saddened.
He's silent for a while.
Then:]
You warm enough?
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it’s done in increments, in inches — the silence is tense with something neither of them understand. ]
I’m alright.
[ and he continues to close the distance, until his lips are hovering near cloud’s and their foreheads are touching, hair grazing against his skin. ]
Can I?
[ it could ruin everything, sure. but he’ll be bold and take the leap anyways. ]
no subject
[He's not good at this. He's really not good at this.
It's obvious that Nier's not saying what he does, not insinuating what he is, as any kind of joke, or anything malicious. He knows him well enough by now to know it's not his style.
It's not a surprise it's happened, either. He'd thought the same thing himself. Probably the reason why he came here with him. Definitely the reason he allowed him to put his hands on him, for sure.
It's still unnerving though. In a way he can't explain, even in his head. His eyes lower, and he emits a small, quiet breath of a sigh- loosening his hand from Nier's, and bringing his eyes away.]
...
I-
Sorry.
[He moves. Away. He turns his body and half-raises his upper half on his elbow, as if in the act to get out of the bed. He's halfway up, anyway, and...
...It feels like the wrong thing.
Not just for the sake of not obliging. Not for the sake of regret with regard to hurting feelings.
It's...
It feels like he's disappointed.
He lowers himself down again. And he moves himself back- shuffling back, actually, pressing his back against Nier's torso. And he turns again, tipping his head up to clumsily catch the corner of Nier's lips in something small, unpractised, but lingering far too long to possibly be called innocent.
...Could've been far less messy if he'd have just went with it originally.
But a mess is what tends to happen with him.]
no subject
...It’s okay. I’m sorry.
[ he reassures him, even if the air is still and awkward.
but then cloud comes back, and he’s pressed flushed against him, radiating an intense amount of heat. at the peck and what becomes of it, nier is a little awe struck, confusion swarming him before he eases into it. but once he does, it’s reciprocated in full, and his hand tilts cloud’s chin up to catch him in a proper kiss this time.
cloud’s lips are surprisingly soft, he thinks, and his movements are stilted and strained...but he’s so gentle too. ]
Are you sure?
[ that it’s alright, he means. ]
no subject
If holding hands that one night felt like a tidal pull, this feels more intense- when the magic moves from him to Nier, it's like being underwater. When the magic courses back to him from Nier, it's like coming up for air after a long time.
Even that doesn't explain his temperature going up a few more degrees though. Or the fact it feels like his heart's in his throat, feeling, at least, like it's about to burst from his mouth. That's not magic, or either of their changes. Or their senses. Or their abilities. That's him- the sensation, the emotion this small act- the man behind it- elicits from him. ]
Y-yeah.
[He responds, into the kiss, before breaking away and pressing his forehead against Nier's.]
...Sorry. Didn't-
[-know what to do. He hadn't imagined, with his history of... everything that anything he felt could be reciprocated.]
No- Never mind.
[His voice is low. He can still taste him. He lowers his eyes, swallowing, trying to slow his heartrate. Trying being the operative word.]
It's okay. I wanted to. ...I still want to.
no subject
[ it feels like the sun washing over him, bright and warm, cradling him in its light. it’s like being filled to the brim, and for a moment he’s whole again, the comfort of another being wrapping all around him.
their foreheads are braced against one another, and selfishly, nier’s arms gently loop around cloud’s shoulders. his grip is slack enough that cloud can shove him off easily — but as the heat of his breath hits his face, nier’s eyes flutter shut, as if he’s bestowing cloud with some sort of privacy.
after all, it always was difficult for him to look him in the eye, wasn’t it? ]
You can do what you want. [ to me, and with me. ]
Because I want to, too.
...I wanted you here to start with — so I could be with you.
no subject
That's the best thing to do. Aerith's just in the next room, the sun's almost up and she'll be awake soon, and she probably would look in on him. He should be there for the sake of being there, at least.
But he doesn't want to.
Especially when he opens his eyes, and he sees Nier's own, closed, face at rest, expression peaceful- and he moves his own arm to rest his hand against his cold cheek. A leg move between Nier's own to hook into one of his- and his other arm rests against his chest- curling into his sleeping clothes.
Then his body relaxes.
And softly-]
I'm here. And I'll be here, where you want me to be.
But you should go to sleep. I'm not going anywhere.
no subject
Cloud. [ nier says after a moment of silence, eyes still closed. ]
Come into my bed whenever you want. It’s yours now too.
[ he can feel it; the rise and fall of his chest against his own form. ]
...I want to do this more...
[ it’s entirely chaste — even if a part of him knew that realistically, that would change at some point. for now, he could relish this simply. ]
no subject
[His eyes half-open at that, before he closes them again, tilting his head carefully into the touch of his lips. Honestly... that makes him happy. In more ways than one- it's nothing to do with the offer of somewhere to sleep. Not really. It's more...
...complicated than that.]
Alright.
[He shifts slightly, trailing his knuckles against Nier's cheekbone. Then he pulls his hand away from his face; exhaling. He tilts his head up to catch his lips again, speaking lowly. Carefully.]
Go to sleep. I'll be here when you wake up.