[It's an answer at least, and the latter one is uncomplicated, agreeable in its simplicity, and the way Nier states it is so earnest, he has no reason to believe its anything other than what he says.
The other comment, about fishing, though? That earns a question.]
Fishing's supposed to be laid back, right? [From the way Nier's eyebrow twitched, as if recalling something awful, it didn't seem that 'laid back' was the case.] If it's anything like how you're describing it, I don't want anything to do with it.
[He's only half-serious, really. But what he is serious about...]
[But if Nier learned from the best, wouldn't that make him crazy by extension? ...It's an observation. Not anything that leaves his lips of course, but just an errant thought. What does come out though-]
Alright. Then I'll give it a shot. But if you turn into a slavedriver yourself, I'm out, we're doing something else.
[Then the conversation seems to take a turn. And even in the darkness, he can see his face's expression change, perfectly. And this time, he keeps his gaze on his face. And his response is terse.]
Likewise.
[Snippish? Kind of. But it's not like he's let go of his hand. He's not closed off.]
...I haven't seen my world die. But I've done something.... no, lots of things, that mean it's going to end. Probably ended already.
[He slows to a stop, and pulls- lightly, since he doesn't want to hurt him- on Nier's arm.]
[ he certainly is crazy, but a slavedriver? not so much. he stops at the tug on his arm, and his heels pivot so he can look at cloud properly. ]
Time’s stopped here. So you still have a chance.
[ and that question...it warrants a thinning of the lips. surely, cloud would understand now — the monster he truly was. ]
Regret holds you back. Makes it hard to survive. Doesn’t bring anyone back.
What I did — I had to do it. To save my sister. To make sure they couldn’t kill us in the way they wanted to, and that we were more than their vessels. To...
Get my revenge and be free.
[ what an awful date topic. he almost wants to laugh. ]
Never look back. That’s what I told myself. It makes me a monster — but I can’t be anything else.
[The comment about fishing is met with a curt nod, because so much of what Nier says is so much more important. As he explains, he can't help but feel a chill go through him. Uncharacteristic, given his body temperature and the fact his arms are mostly covered- but real nonetheless.]
You know that for sure? How?
[Stated in regard to time stopping, of course. But.
Regret holds you back. Makes it hard to survive. Doesn't bring anyone back.
True enough. It did- But they're different people. While Nier seems eager to move on from all of his, Cloud... couldn't. It didn't feel right to. Maybe it's because Nier is stronger than him.
They're both affected though. Even if they're dealing with it in different ways.
But...
What I did — I had to do it. To save my sister. Mother, let's take the planet back together.
To make sure they couldn't kill us in the way they wanted to. That we were more than their vessels. To... ...they... those worthless creatures...
Get my revenge and be free. ...What am I supposed to be sad about?
It doesn't hurt to remember the similarities. Not now, not when it wasn't repressed- not when his mind and body weren't working against every effort he made to recall. The similarities are just sad. So sad- and he finds his hand tightening around Nier's, even though he has to be careful to not break his fingers with doing so.
The difference between them was Sephiroth wrong. Sephiroth murdered everyone he ever knew. He'd thought Tifa dead. His mother, her father, the townspeople... actually were.
Something else comes to mind.]
...Someone told me once that living's like being on a train. Can only go where its tracks take it. Sounds like yours... wasn't good.
[Shit. Did where Nier was from even from have them?]
...Point being, I've seen monsters. I don't think you're one.
I know people who have been here for awhile now. They told me.
[ another shake of the head, this one slower. what he doesn’t expect is cloud tightening his grip on his hand; nier’s eyes rove downwards, and he is taciturn, casting a glance towards cloud’s hand before noting the hurt in his eyes.
was he sad for him, he wonders? why? what was there to be sad for? ]
Even if your life was destined to end in the same way every time, it has meaning just by having existed.
I hated that once. But it’s alright now.
[ said with little feeling — it’d been a truth he numbed himself to. ]
You’re kind. Too kind, sometimes. But that’s why I know you didn’t doom your world. I hated humans. All of them...in their selfishness, they condemn us all to death before we can even begin to live.
But to me, you’re different. [ a pause. ] Everything about you is different.
It's kind of egotistic, assuming the world's gonna stop just for you.
[Nothing saying whoever told Nier that wasn't full of it. How could they know something like that? It's not as if any of them got the opportunity to dip out and go back home, just to see.
...He doesn't know. And his sentiment, at the moment, is not holding his breath, and not hoping. Not with such little information. He's about to ask who told him that- so he can get more of an idea. Hell, shake them down for it if he has to- but what Nier says next makes him stop. ]
Your life has meaning- even if you're not human. Means a lot to me, despite not knowing you that long. Must've meant a lot to other people, too.
[It's strange. If he wasn't human, what was he? Other than something some people wanted dead.
...That's a question for later. And at what he says next...]
[ at what cloud says next, the answer is simple. remarkably so. ]
Neither do you.
But you said it anyways.
[ his voice is hard — perhaps he in general had been, in all of the ways cloud wasn’t. it’s what separates a man and a monster. the ability to regret, to feel, to fear.
nier was not a frenzied child who had gone berserk at the realization that he had nothing. he was perfectly lucid, a weapon ready to kill.
when cloud’s fingers loosen, nier’s do the same, just slightly; but he follows his lead. ]
There’s somewhere I can take us. You can see the stars there.
If they turn up here, sure. I'll be first in line. Otherwise, they'd have got the message anyway.
[Not a chance in hell they weren't dead. Either by Nier's own hand (likely) or the world ending, (a certainty) they must be. In a sense, it reminds him, vaguely, of Midgar. Those of the upper plate believed that those of the lower were less. Inferior.
...But it's not anything worth mentioning. Nier's situation is different, and it won't help, so he shuts his mouth and walks on a few more steps.
Except then he opens it, as if to say something at Nier's comment that yeah, he had said something. It runs through his mind to point out that he knew something of him, and he did mean something- but...
...He shuts up. And he keeps walking, his hand finally slipping from Nier's own. Probably best to have access to his sword, if they're going out into the wilde.]
[ it isn’t especially far, fortunately — it’s a tree house, one positioned right beyond the wall. nier, for as much as he enjoyed fighting, had little intention of sullying either of their clothing. the tree towers over them, grander than a building, and there’s a wooden platform attached to it; it’s enwrapped in vines, flowers sprouting at their ends.
there’s a ladder there too, for convenience. nier starts and waves a hand to guide cloud up, right beneath him. once they settle, there are potted plants lined up along its ledge, all of which seem to be flowers in bloom. ]
I haven’t finished building it yet. It’ll be a house one day.
[ and as he promised, the stars are indeed in view. ]
I don’t have any pillows, but you can rest your head against me if you’re tired.
[ whether he’s referring to his lap or his shoulder is up to cloud. ]
[It's actually kind of impressive. Especially considering the logistics considered in hauling the rough framework of, what he can tell already, will be a house all the way up there.
He glances at it, for a long moment, before he takes the cue and starts to haul himself up the ladder. It seems safe enough. And the construction seems pretty solid.
He waits for Nier to emerge before he speaks.]
...You thinking of moving out?
[His tone pretty much gives him away. Shit. ...If he... could have not sounded quite so Concerned at that, that would been wonderful. ]
[ an honest admission. but the concern in cloud’s voice is noted, and a little unexpected too. ]
I thought you and Aerith would want some privacy. But this house isn’t for living in. Just somewhere to put my weaponry — and a refuge, for anyone who needs it.
[ lowly: ]
I don’t trust the natives of this city.
[ better to have your bases covered than not. when cloud shifts closer, nier does the same in response. ]
[He withdraws a little at that, taking a breath and folding his arms close to his chest, leaning against the treetrunk in the centre of the house. His gaze moves away- to the planters at what looks like a rudimentary, at the moment, window.]
If you want to, then I don't want to hold you back. Aerith and me...
[It's complicated.]
She's a friend. She likes having you around, anyway.
[As does he. But. He'd abandoned his effort to move closer, but since Nier was moving toward him too, they're close anyway. And he doesn't step away. Instead, he moves his gaze from the sky through the window, to him.]
I don't trust 'em either.
[In many respects. Gingerly, he half leans on Nier, not quite putting his head on his shoulder, but sort of leaning. A little. Kind of awkwardly, actually. Just about enough to feel his cold skin through the fabric of his shirt with his shoulder.]
I'm sure.
[Half-leaning on him isn't really for being tired. Or warmth. It's closeness, really. And since the prospect of Nier moving out is still on his mind...]
Could always get a bigger place, if you need more space. It's a matter of time till they catch us living like that, anyway.
I like being around you two. And making sure that you’re eating right. But if you need me out, tell me, alright?
[ nier leans back alongside him — he knows well whatever is between those two is...complicated. and not at all straightforward. it isn’t his intention to intrude, however, or force them to compromise for his sake. another reason why he’d spent the night (or day rather) at other people’s houses on occasion.
but he can hear it, anyways: cloud’s attempt at keeping them together.
when he half leans on him, nier let’s one of his arms gradually snake around cloud’s shoulder, until he’s eased him closer. it stays there, like that. ]
I’ve thought about that too. We could get a cottage. I don’t buy much these days...not outside of weaponry or armor.
We don't. [He's firm with that.] And that's not gonna change. Like I said... she likes you being around. And believe me, if you're not... she's gonna take it personally.
[The sad thing is, he's not even lying. She would.]
...And I'm out a bed if you take off.
[It'd... been, well, nice to actually sleep in one again. It's not like he can without Nier. Not when the guy works so well as a way to not overheat.
...Among other things. Which should be apparent with the way his form tenses when Nier's arm moves around his shoulders (as is his instinct), but the way he relaxes pretty quickly should be indicative of that.
He makes a small, contemplative sound when Nier mentions the cottages- leaning a little more against him.]
I've got savings too. [The amount of jobs he's been doing, more money's coming in than he knows what to do with. Especially since things on this world... well, weren't exactly interesting enough to warrant spending. Foodwise, a taste for warm flesh meant hunting. And that's as free as free gets.] If it's for something like that, you can have it all. Not like I've got anything else to spend it on.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[It's an answer at least, and the latter one is uncomplicated, agreeable in its simplicity, and the way Nier states it is so earnest, he has no reason to believe its anything other than what he says.
The other comment, about fishing, though? That earns a question.]
Fishing's supposed to be laid back, right? [From the way Nier's eyebrow twitched, as if recalling something awful, it didn't seem that 'laid back' was the case.] If it's anything like how you're describing it, I don't want anything to do with it.
[He's only half-serious, really. But what he is serious about...]
...You don't want to know about where I'm from.
no subject
[ but then there’s a silence, and nier looks at him through the darkness, features turning hard — iron-like, perhaps, as he speaks. ]
You don’t either.
But you ask anyways.
[ a beat. ]
My world is a testament to everything I’ve done wrong. To the things I can’t regret, even if I wanted to. I’ve already watched it die.
Whatever you tell me won’t faze me.
no subject
...It's an observation. Not anything that leaves his lips of course, but just an errant thought. What does come out though-]
Alright. Then I'll give it a shot. But if you turn into a slavedriver yourself, I'm out, we're doing something else.
[Then the conversation seems to take a turn. And even in the darkness, he can see his face's expression change, perfectly. And this time, he keeps his gaze on his face. And his response is terse.]
Likewise.
[Snippish? Kind of. But it's not like he's let go of his hand. He's not closed off.]
...I haven't seen my world die. But I've done something.... no, lots of things, that mean it's going to end. Probably ended already.
[He slows to a stop, and pulls- lightly, since he doesn't want to hurt him- on Nier's arm.]
How come you can't regret anything?
no subject
[ he certainly is crazy, but a slavedriver? not so much. he stops at the tug on his arm, and his heels pivot so he can look at cloud properly. ]
Time’s stopped here. So you still have a chance.
[ and that question...it warrants a thinning of the lips. surely, cloud would understand now — the monster he truly was. ]
Regret holds you back. Makes it hard to survive. Doesn’t bring anyone back.
What I did — I had to do it. To save my sister. To make sure they couldn’t kill us in the way they wanted to, and that we were more than their vessels. To...
Get my revenge and be free.
[ what an awful date topic. he almost wants to laugh. ]
Never look back. That’s what I told myself. It makes me a monster — but I can’t be anything else.
no subject
You know that for sure? How?
[Stated in regard to time stopping, of course. But.
Regret holds you back. Makes it hard to survive. Doesn't bring anyone back.
True enough. It did- But they're different people. While Nier seems eager to move on from all of his, Cloud... couldn't. It didn't feel right to. Maybe it's because Nier is stronger than him.
They're both affected though. Even if they're dealing with it in different ways.
But...
What I did — I had to do it. To save my sister.
Mother, let's take the planet back together.
To make sure they couldn't kill us in the way they wanted to. That we were more than their vessels. To...
...they... those worthless creatures...
Get my revenge and be free.
...What am I supposed to be sad about?
It doesn't hurt to remember the similarities. Not now, not when it wasn't repressed- not when his mind and body weren't working against every effort he made to recall. The similarities are just sad. So sad- and he finds his hand tightening around Nier's, even though he has to be careful to not break his fingers with doing so.
The difference between them was Sephiroth wrong.
Sephiroth murdered everyone he ever knew. He'd thought Tifa dead. His mother, her father, the townspeople... actually were.
Something else comes to mind.]
...Someone told me once that living's like being on a train. Can only go where its tracks take it. Sounds like yours... wasn't good.
[Shit. Did where Nier was from even from have them?]
...Point being, I've seen monsters. I don't think you're one.
no subject
[ another shake of the head, this one slower. what he doesn’t expect is cloud tightening his grip on his hand; nier’s eyes rove downwards, and he is taciturn, casting a glance towards cloud’s hand before noting the hurt in his eyes.
was he sad for him, he wonders? why? what was there to be sad for? ]
Even if your life was destined to end in the same way every time, it has meaning just by having existed.
I hated that once. But it’s alright now.
[ said with little feeling — it’d been a truth he numbed himself to. ]
You’re kind. Too kind, sometimes. But that’s why I know you didn’t doom your world. I hated humans. All of them...in their selfishness, they condemn us all to death before we can even begin to live.
But to me, you’re different. [ a pause. ] Everything about you is different.
It’s why I like you.
no subject
[Nothing saying whoever told Nier that wasn't full of it. How could they know something like that? It's not as if any of them got the opportunity to dip out and go back home, just to see.
...He doesn't know. And his sentiment, at the moment, is not holding his breath, and not hoping. Not with such little information. He's about to ask who told him that- so he can get more of an idea. Hell, shake them down for it if he has to- but what Nier says next makes him stop. ]
Your life has meaning- even if you're not human. Means a lot to me, despite not knowing you that long. Must've meant a lot to other people, too.
[It's strange. If he wasn't human, what was he? Other than something some people wanted dead.
...That's a question for later. And at what he says next...]
You don't know what happened.
[He loosens his fingers, eager to move on.]
We shouldn't linger around here.
no subject
[ at what cloud says next, the answer is simple. remarkably so. ]
Neither do you.
But you said it anyways.
[ his voice is hard — perhaps he in general had been, in all of the ways cloud wasn’t. it’s what separates a man and a monster. the ability to regret, to feel, to fear.
nier was not a frenzied child who had gone berserk at the realization that he had nothing. he was perfectly lucid, a weapon ready to kill.
when cloud’s fingers loosen, nier’s do the same, just slightly; but he follows his lead. ]
There’s somewhere I can take us. You can see the stars there.
no subject
[Not a chance in hell they weren't dead. Either by Nier's own hand (likely) or the world ending, (a certainty) they must be. In a sense, it reminds him, vaguely, of Midgar. Those of the upper plate believed that those of the lower were less. Inferior.
...But it's not anything worth mentioning. Nier's situation is different, and it won't help, so he shuts his mouth and walks on a few more steps.
Except then he opens it, as if to say something at Nier's comment that yeah, he had said something. It runs through his mind to point out that he knew something of him, and he did mean something- but...
...He shuts up. And he keeps walking, his hand finally slipping from Nier's own. Probably best to have access to his sword, if they're going out into the wilde.]
Sounds good. Lead on.
no subject
there’s a ladder there too, for convenience. nier starts and waves a hand to guide cloud up, right beneath him. once they settle, there are potted plants lined up along its ledge, all of which seem to be flowers in bloom. ]
I haven’t finished building it yet. It’ll be a house one day.
[ and as he promised, the stars are indeed in view. ]
I don’t have any pillows, but you can rest your head against me if you’re tired.
[ whether he’s referring to his lap or his shoulder is up to cloud. ]
no subject
He glances at it, for a long moment, before he takes the cue and starts to haul himself up the ladder. It seems safe enough. And the construction seems pretty solid.
He waits for Nier to emerge before he speaks.]
...You thinking of moving out?
[His tone pretty much gives him away. Shit.
...If he... could have not sounded quite so Concerned at that, that would been wonderful. ]
...I'm not tired.
[But he's moving closer anyway.]
no subject
[ an honest admission. but the concern in cloud’s voice is noted, and a little unexpected too. ]
I thought you and Aerith would want some privacy. But this house isn’t for living in. Just somewhere to put my weaponry — and a refuge, for anyone who needs it.
[ lowly: ]
I don’t trust the natives of this city.
[ better to have your bases covered than not. when cloud shifts closer, nier does the same in response. ]
Are you sure?
no subject
[He withdraws a little at that, taking a breath and folding his arms close to his chest, leaning against the treetrunk in the centre of the house. His gaze moves away- to the planters at what looks like a rudimentary, at the moment, window.]
If you want to, then I don't want to hold you back. Aerith and me...
[It's complicated.]
She's a friend. She likes having you around, anyway.
[As does he. But.
He'd abandoned his effort to move closer, but since Nier was moving toward him too, they're close anyway. And he doesn't step away. Instead, he moves his gaze from the sky through the window, to him.]
I don't trust 'em either.
[In many respects. Gingerly, he half leans on Nier, not quite putting his head on his shoulder, but sort of leaning. A little. Kind of awkwardly, actually. Just about enough to feel his cold skin through the fabric of his shirt with his shoulder.]
I'm sure.
[Half-leaning on him isn't really for being tired. Or warmth. It's closeness, really.
And since the prospect of Nier moving out is still on his mind...]
Could always get a bigger place, if you need more space. It's a matter of time till they catch us living like that, anyway.
no subject
[ nier leans back alongside him — he knows well whatever is between those two is...complicated. and not at all straightforward. it isn’t his intention to intrude, however, or force them to compromise for his sake. another reason why he’d spent the night (or day rather) at other people’s houses on occasion.
but he can hear it, anyways: cloud’s attempt at keeping them together.
when he half leans on him, nier let’s one of his arms gradually snake around cloud’s shoulder, until he’s eased him closer. it stays there, like that. ]
I’ve thought about that too. We could get a cottage. I don’t buy much these days...not outside of weaponry or armor.
no subject
[The sad thing is, he's not even lying. She would.]
...And I'm out a bed if you take off.
[It'd... been, well, nice to actually sleep in one again. It's not like he can without Nier. Not when the guy works so well as a way to not overheat.
...Among other things. Which should be apparent with the way his form tenses when Nier's arm moves around his shoulders (as is his instinct), but the way he relaxes pretty quickly should be indicative of that.
He makes a small, contemplative sound when Nier mentions the cottages- leaning a little more against him.]
I've got savings too. [The amount of jobs he's been doing, more money's coming in than he knows what to do with. Especially since things on this world... well, weren't exactly interesting enough to warrant spending. Foodwise, a taste for warm flesh meant hunting. And that's as free as free gets.] If it's for something like that, you can have it all. Not like I've got anything else to spend it on.