[He's not leaving. He's not yelling, he's not stomping through the apartment, and he's unwavering- He's still here, he's not left. He's not going to leave.
And if I'm lying to you now?
He's not proud of the thought. Or, more accurately, in hindsight, he wouldn't be proud of it- but for now, he's angry enough to not feel any sort of shame. Or fear. When Nier steps forward, closer to him, at his full height and with his eyes so hard, he's got to crane his head up.
But he meets it. His hand rises, to harshly grab at the fur collar of his jerkin and pull at it- hopefully tilting his head down rather than ripping the fur from the seams. Should he be successful, Nier should find himself ...kissed?
It's not exactly soft. Nor gentle. But it's deep- deeper than any he'd previously shared with him, and it's pressing- pushing, actually- almost as if Cloud isn't sure whether or not he means to push him off the damn balcony or not.
Locking lips with a pissed off vampire. Not his best call. But he's not thinking at his best capacity. Emotions.... all of them he should be ashamed of, to be frank, won't let him do so.
When he breaks it- he stares upward, almost defiantly- not letting go of his collar.
[ frankly, a fight is what he expects — so when cloud’s fingers curl into the collar of jerkin, digging, it’s what he braces himself for.
but then there are lips against his, still soft, even in spite of the pressure they exert against his own. the fangs make it a dangerous endeavor; it’s languid and hot, and he feels like he’s drowning for a moment.
when cloud breaks the kiss, they share a silence, taut with tension. cloud speaks with his hands, and nier responds in kind with his mouth, swallowing him in another kiss. his fingers thread through cloud’s hair, gripping him by the back to pull him closer as one of his hands grasps his waist tightly.
fortunately he isn’t at risk of falling off of the balcony, if only because now he’s forcing them both forward, in pursuit of something to shove cloud against as he kisses him. ]
[Nier really can't be blamed for feeling as though some violence would come next, because, if anything, Cloud's body language signals it when their kiss is broken. Hell- when it's silent between them, he's half-expecting to get shoved away. Or maybe even punched himself.
He's bouncing between varying emotions, varying feelings, so much. But throughout all of it, the taste of him on his lips lingers. It demands more- it's the only constant between all of the varying trains of thought his brain is haphazardly following, abandoning, and leaping between- and it means he's ready when he's kissed again.
It's different. This is very different from anything they'd shared before. It's not delicate. It's not gentle, and it's not tentative. It's nothing of the sort- the moment Nier's lips crush themselves against his again, he forces his tongue into his mouth. When he's pulled against the other man so tightly, he retaliates by shoving his tongue against his, winding around it, flicking it, in attempt to exert his own control. To not back down.
When his waist is grasped, he finds his arms already having slipped up the inside of Nier's jerkin, grasping, scrabbling against his smooth, toned and cold chest, the only sign of his discomfort at his back, and his wound being shoved against the cold brickwork of the apartment wall a hitching of his breath- followed by a low groan.
Nier... can probably feel how hard he is, already. The distance between them is nonexistant. And normally, it'd be mortifying. But this is different. Perhaps it's because he's flipping between varying emotional states. Maybe it's because any other emotion is simply too much to handle. Who knew. Who cared?
His hands, at least, know what they're doing now. They're both out- one of them looping around Nier's shoulder, as if in an attempt to stop him from reconsidering- from pulling away- and the other is pulling at straps, at chains, at openings whereever he can find them to try to gain access.
It's... an old-fashioned garment. More armour than anything- so as he fails- as, in this state, seemed inevitable, said hand snakes down his body, latching onto his trousers, pulling them, and him, by the waist, closer. Much closer.
[ there is a need to consume, as there always had been, albeit in a different way — against him, cloud pulls and nier pushes, and he breathes hot air into his mouth as nier’s tongue crashes against his. the simmering heat that’d been a very quiet anger boils over into something else, equally as aggressive, and he shudders at the fingers working at his torso and chest.
instinctively, he half-bucks against cloud, grunting against his lips. whether they’re stumbling, walking or falling doesn’t register in his mind; all he can feel is cloud around him, overtaking him, and he realizes he recognizes this feeling well back from the shadowlord’s castle.
as saliva strings between them, and nier’s chains clink at being haphazardly fiddled with, he feels the outline of cloud’s cock pressing up against his thigh before he can respond appropriately. ]
I—um. [ a blink. ] Yeah.
[ they get there, eventually, and when they do the door swivels shut behind them. nier removes his armor, and his nails dig into the hem of his jerkin, peeling it off; he is pale like the moonlight, the combination of his natural skintone and vampirism at work, and his hair falls sidelong against his face. ]
I know you’re angry with me. [ and still, he does not apologize, instead looping his arms around his waist, guiding him backwards and towards the bed. ] But I’ve thought about this for awhile.
You, I mean. [ said sheepishly, perhaps grumpily even with a crease of his brows, eyes darting to the side. ]
[It's a small statement- one that's tense, and one that's ...distracted. He can't help it. Not at the sight of him. Nier's... beautiful, in such an unconventional way he hasn't seen, hasn't experienced before, but the sight of it, the sight of him and this beauty, presented like this, is too striking to not be distracting.
His torso is long, lean, and nothing close to delicate. Even if he didn't have muscle (which he does), it would be plain to see that he was strong. Highly so. Hell- he's broad, strong arms and strong shoulders littered in scars he hasn't taken notice of before- but his paleness, the measured way he holds himself simply is beautiful. Combined with his body- the way he is- it's indescribably so.
...He has to pull his eyes up to his face. Even if he's being moved backward. He finally does so, only when the backs of his knees collide with the edge of Nier's bed.]
I don't need protecting. I told you that.
[He raises his hand to trace one of the deeper, more angular scars. That... It's dark enough to have been deep. Really deep. It's a stab wound- that can't be mistaken for anything else- and it's location... It should have killed him.
He tilts his head, leaning back slightly, half-stepping back since he can't move any more. Then he moves his hands to his waist, rolling his own jumper up slightly... And then he hesitates. It's only a slight hesitation though. His hands stop suddenly, his eyes rise to Nier's face again, and his gaze lowers before he pulls the fabric up over his head and drops it on the floor.
His own scar is prominent. Squarely on the centre of his chest, dark against the lightness of his own skin. It's sunken in slightly- perfectly straight. His hand moves to Nier's own, taking it by the wrist and laying it flat against it.]
No-one went after anyone for this. And I'm alright. ...What about yours?
[ under his gaze, there is a twinge of embarrassment, a boyish bashfulness at the prospect of being inspected — he merely averts his eyes, shoulders rolling back a centimeter or two.
but then, the touch at his scar sends a shiver shooting through his spine. most had kept their hands away, for fear of how grotesque it was; cloud’s state of undress yanks back at his attention, seizing it by force, and nier thinks that he’s beautiful in turn.
...it’d been strange. he was thin, lithe in a way, but power as well, rippling with muscle in some places more than others. it’s not at all seamless, not with the sinew that protrudes through his skin — and the scar...
there isn’t much time before his wrist is laid against it. his fingers spread out, feeling for cloud’s skin. ]
You’re suffering. You have been for a long time.
[ this, he knows. he saw proof of that in of itself. ]
I would have. [ nier admits, voice low. ]
And I still would.
[ he buries his face into the crook’s of cloud’s shoulder, shoving him onto the bed with a push before crawling onto his weight. it’s a half straddle, and his hair sweeps against his shoulders as his palm goes flat against cloud’s stomach. ]
[The touch of his hand on old, sensitive scar tissue is something that makes him shudder. It's different from when he glances it himself, when he's dressing, or when he checks on it when it aches. Very different. And part of him knows, with the way Nier shudders at his own touch, it's something vaguely the same for him.
It's another thing that makes them similar. It's uncanny how the type of injury is shared. The position of it similar, the eventuality of it identical in both cases. These similarities they share, it makes him wonder how their mindsets are so different.]
Doesn't matter. I've made people suffer too. People that never deserved it.
[How would he react, if Nier got clipped by something he didn't know about? Would he be the same? ...He doesn't know. It's enough to mostly take the wind out of his anger, that's for sure.
Still doesn't entirely unpiss him off, even if it raises questions for what exactly they are to each other.
When the taller man's forehead touches his shoulder, he half raises a hand, half-inclines it to move through his hair in a gesture he would feel is intimate (and unbeknownst to him, Nier probably wouldn't.) and he's about to ask that question- but fortunately enough, he's shoved back.
He has to readjust, and the question goes to the back of his mind. Instead- he half-inclines his upper half up, to trace his lips against Nier's shoulder- focusing on said scar.
And softly-]
You'd be dead if you went after the person that gave me mine. I don't want to bring anything else on anyone else. ...Especially you.
Everyone has their own sins to carry. I know you. And I know that you didn’t want to hurt those people. [ there is no telling where his hand would have gone — it’s too late, and they’re partially sitting now like this, with nier’s legs sprawled around his waist, cocks pressed together. at the brush of his lips, there’s another shudder, both bone chilling and hot at once.
cloud’s anger is palpable, as is the way the room closes in on them, shrinking in size; but his characteristic gentleness has not left him, and it’s why he must be protected under any circumstance.
so nier draws him into another kiss, rolling his hips against him. ]
...I’m not afraid of dying — or being hurt.
[ he searches out his taste, and the need to devour is building up within him slowly, a thumb tracing the scar that had distinctly paralleled his own. his hands smooth over cloud’s chest, squeezing before a few fingers hook into his underwear. ]
...But I can’t let you...
[ nier swallows, an unspoken vulnerability there, but it’s intercepted as his lips crush against cloud’s again. in between breaths— ]
It’s already over for me. But you...you’re different.
[know that, would be the end to that sentence. But he's kissed before he can finish. As Nier's hips roll against his, the only thing that comes out of his mouth is a quiet groan- made quiet by Nier's mouth pressed against his- made slightly louder by the sensation of the other man's roughened dingers against that spot.
The answer is gone by the time their kiss is broken. It's faraway- some distant thought that he can't grasp enough to articulate. It's replaced by another, something that comes out before he can weigh up how to say it. It's something that's simply stated, stated, empathic enough to not need dressing up.]
And if I'm afraid?
[More sensation. He loathes reacting to it. He really is- what they're talking about- his (eventual) honesty finally exposed for what it was- shouldn't be an afterthought. But fuck- that sensation.
He opens his eyes from where they'd been screwed shut- moving slightly underneath him, hooking his legs around his and using his strength to reverse them, sitting on his knees pressed into the bed at either side of him to assume a little bit of control. And then he looks at him.]
You can say you're done all you want. Except you're not. You're here- and I'm not going to stand by while you get hurt, or worse.
[He lowers his head- again seeking out his scar. This time, his lips part against it- the warmth of his tongue peeking out- just a little bit- to caress the hardened tissue. The action is fleeting- light- and his hand's movement is purely exploratory as it omits the task of undoing Nier's trousers- instead just simply slipping beneath the fastenings at his waist.
He raises his head, angling it perhaps an inch above Nier's own. Then, his hand flattens itself against Nier's cock, moving against it in heavy, sweeping motions underneath the constraints of his clothes.]
[ “i do,” is the answer he would have gotten. instead nier savors every and every little breath that escapes him, focusing on his pulse, on the rise and fall of his chest — and how alive every bit of it was.
he finds his eyes drifting at the admission, however, bangs now vaguely obscuring their view. ]
Don’t be. I–
[ when he’s shuffled around, a grunt sounds through the room; one hand comes down against cloud’s shoulder, pulling him to him and minimizing the distance, while the other lowers until he can palm at his cock. cloud seizes a groan from him this time, but it doesn’t deter nier, not as his thumb rubs into the slit of his dick. ]
I care about you too, [ it’s said lowly, under his breath. ] That’s why I have to protect you. I can’t leave you alone. [ a stroke up as his eyes squeeze shut. ] I want to keep you safe, no matter what...even if you’ll hate me for it.
[ punctuated by a gasp, nier’s hand roams up, only to yank at the hem of cloud’s trousers. ]
I want your cock against mine. I... [ he loathed this word, truly— ] need it.
[He's telling him not to be afraid. But he can't not be. What he says should feel like they're going around in circles, that there's no way they'll ever see eye-to-eye. And in a sense, it does. Nier, as he is in everything, is uncompromising, unyielding. It's who he is. Who he'd been warned about- the darker edge of every conversation they'd had.
But with this, there's more to it than anything so simple. ... So much more.
But then he says that. His eyes lower- seemingly embarrassed- if anything from the thoughts that request evoke from him. His cheeks redden- his gaze lingers low- and he takes in a sharp breath before he moves his eyes up Nier's body, lowering, again, as soon as they reach his face.]
Y-yeah.
[Compliance mostly through inexperience? Right. That sounded about right. He moves his hands downward to Nier's trousers- fiddling with the fastenings of them (What can be said. They're more complicated than what he's used to) before he undoes them- shifting himself to pull them off his legs and dumping them off the bed with the clanking of chains and rustling of fur as they hit the ground.
He swallows, hand curling around his bare cock. His hand remains entirely still, but his fingertips lightly, carefully, glance the head as he speaks.]
...I'm safe. You get that, right?
[As he speaks, his other hand is working on his own trousers. He's not even half as slow with that. Soon enough, they're dropped atop of Nier's own, and he moves himself to straddle him. He lowers himself against him, his arm supporting his weight at the side of Nier's head. He positions his hips to roll against his- spare hand cupping against both their cocks to force them together as he presses forward.]
I'm okay. Really. [And, with a groan- into the side of his neck.] You don't need to go after anyone.
[ it occurs to him, then, that perhaps cloud was inexperienced in this realm of affairs too — just another reason to think of him as pure, as something delicate and fragile held within the palm of his hands.
his trousers are peeled off, slowly enough, and his cock erects slightly, bobbing into the air; there would be shame, or maybe embarrassment under the right circumstances. as of right now, there is none however. only a sharp hiss at the fingers teasing the head. his eyes are affixed on him, brows drawn in concentration as he bares himself — and when their cocks come together at long last, he bucks right into cloud’s hand.
laying back and being done-to wasn’t exactly nier’s way. the skin of cloud’s hands likewise felt smoother than they had any right to. so nier lifts his hips off the bed, fucking against him purposefully, a show of what his lower body was capable of — alongside his want. he was devoid of body heat, and yet he feels his body going hot all over, throat now tightening. ]
You’re injured. Be careful. [ nier admits. when his lips part and he fights a moan, it’s so easy — so easy to see how incredibly feminine his face is in contrast to his body. ]
Nobody is ever safe. Nobody... [ the words are said through his teeth, like a wisp of air. ]
You’re too precious for me to just — give this up. You’re always hiding your pain. [ as though he’d been any different. ] Even if you don’t understand...
[ a little more desperately, as his voice pitches up— ]
[It's breathily spoken, and honestly... his answer could apply to a lot of what Nier said. It applies to both the injury he had (which was sore. Of course it's sore- but it's fine. It's holding up, and it's not like it's reopened.) as well as Nier's allusion to him showing a different pain- so he leaves it at that, shifting himself- just slightly- to touch his lips against Nier's creased brow. It's a glance, at most. An accident, at least. But it's affectionate, however it's interpreted.
It's strange though. There is an uncharacteristic warmth going through the man underneath him. They haven't... really had so much contact, not really, and even the heat from his own faint embarrassment, his nervousness, and this exertion doesn't feel that much higher than his normal warmth, so Nier's own temperature rise? It's got to be him. Perhaps it's the last remnants of a living man inside a dead body, or perhaps it's nothing more than his own residual heat, or perhaps it's something else entirely. He doesn't know.
But as for what he does know, what's going through his mind at present is to stay slow. To continue at a pace entirely different to Nier's request, to see how undone he could get- just to see him moan and writhe underneath him, to see him lose his usual careful composure in sensation. To feel more heat spread through him, too. Perhaps the thought's cruel. Or perhaps it's one which is purely curiosity- because... well, Nier's... beautiful like this. It hasn't escaped him just how beautiful he is. He wants to sustain it, extend it, as best he can.
At least, his head does. His body... It's kind of on another path. He's impatient. Highly so, and Nier barely needs to ask before Cloud angles his hips to meet his upthrust with a harsh grind downwards against him and his hand, unable to hide the cry that comes from him at the friction. It's... stifled at the very least, thanks to a last-minute adjustment of shoving his face against Nier's collarbone- backed up by another few thrusts in attempt to get more sensation, more feeling.]
Nier..
[It's a growl more than anything. His fingers have dug into the bedding around him, his hips digging down against him without faltering. He has to force himself to raise his head, to shift his stance again. His voice is a low pant.]
I... don't want to talk about it any more.
[Weak? Probably. but fuck if he didn't want this.]
[ the drag of cloud’s cock against his sends electricity spiraling through his system, and he compromises with an arch of his hips; heat builds in between them, leaving him teetering at the edge as his eyes flutter shut. delicately, nier’s lips part, and his hair fans out beneath him as he bites back a moan.
urgently, he works at the base, stroking up fervently before snapping his lower torso up. cloud wants to end the conversation — so nier does just do that, grinding as he jerks them off. pre cum leaves them slick, culminating in the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh, and nier angles his head up to draw cloud into a kiss as deep as the sea. he drowns in the sensation, tongue flicking against his, and hooks his legs around his waist as an anchor.
it’s a fight, in a way; deep inside, it always was. but his grip is protective, and perhaps a little nurturing in nature, and a hands com to cup cloud’s face when his forehead presses against his, the other still pumping. ]
How far– [ a breath. ] do you want to go? [ through gritted teeth. ]
H—...! Cl—
[ a strangled noise as he feels himself edging closer to the light; “do you want to be inside of me,” he wants to ask. a vulnerable, relenting question, the act itself even moreso. but it’s a show of affection — of, in spite of everything, trust. ]
[This feeling- the mass of it is something he hasn't felt before. Hadn't even begun to imagine, actually. He'd... had thoughts, of course. That was only normal, but even then, he hadn't exactly imagined anything like this. He's lost, probably.
In so many respects, it is a fight still. But their argument, the circumstances that led to it feel distant, far away- and even then, the only thing that feels like it matters is the drag of Nier's hand against his cock, the feeling of his own as it presses between Nier's and their hands, the faintly sharp jabs of their hips colliding at every downstroke. Every ragged breath, being unable to tell the sound of his own gasps from Nier's, let alone the sight of him, how beautiful he is while roiling against him like this- Everything else is distant.
..Apart from that kiss. He's surprised at first. His body tensed, and his instinct is to pull away. But the way he's touched, the affection behind it, it makes him sink into it, savours it, press against him to deepen it. The kiss lingers. When it's broken and when Nier pushes his forehead up against his own, it's as if his lips are throbbing- as if his body itself is begging for it to be sustained.
He does so. Or tries, anyway. He shifts- seeking to catch his lips again, but instead, he feels Nier's breath on his lips as he asks. That stops him.
And that. That's... definitely a question. One that he has to force his answer to because what he wants is everything. He slows his hips to a stop- so he can adjust Nier's legs around his waist, make him a little more comfortable doing it, make thier hold a little stronger. ]
Don't know.
[Probably not the most assertive answer. Certainly not the one going through his mind. But it's spoken as his hand shifts from Nier's own and their cocks, trailing a long, glistening trail of pre up his thigh, across his hip and up the muscles of his chest- his head lowers to glance his lips against his shoulder. His fingertips find where they want to be, and splay against one of Nier's nipples, head tilting to find purchase in the incline of his neck. ]
I guess... I want to do what you want to do. I want to make you feel good.
[Spoken shortly before he nips against his skin, aiming to leave a mark.]
So tell me. Alright? We can keep going like this, or do more. With this, it's your call. I just want to be with you.
[ even when angry, they were different — cloud had melted into him, softened at his touch. everything about him had been much more forgiving and gentler than nier had the capacity to be. so his fingers grip him by the jaw, the pads climbing upwards as he feels for the tension, and he kisses him again, this time more slowly. ]
I thought you were angry with me. [ he says through a small huff of a laugh, one that could easily go unheard to start with. ] ...People are different when you have sex with them while they’re angry. They show you the worst of who they are. Sometimes, they break you.
[ it’s a jaded statement, and you can see the way it reflects in his eyes, which rove up as though he’s somewhere else for a fleeting moment. his voice is stilted and deep, almost uncharacteristic in what it is. with the strength of his upper torso, he presses their chests together flush, and then buries his face in the crook of cloud’s shoulder. ]
But you’re different.
I knew that.
[ and somehow, i thought to trust you, are the words that don’t manage to break free. his grip now more fragile than it had been before, he leisurely continues to stroke their cocks tighter in tandem, pre cum stringing in between the two of them. ]
Uh...in the bottom left? Drawer, if you want to...
I am angry at you. You're being an asshole, and you know it.
[He's quick to say it, and he means it. Nothing had changed in that regard. Nier wasn't his caretaker, and he had no right to think it- let alone overreact the way he had. His opinion hasn't changed on that. But it's spoken against skin as he's bruising the other's neck, his body tensing as Nier's fingers grip him- interuppting him by wrenching his head away. ]
You don't give a shit about me, or how I feel about it. You just want a fight.
[His eyebrows are pinched together in this new annoyance, his gaze moving down to the spot he was working, where he knows a bruise, despite his best effort, won't form. Useless thing to do with a vampire, probably. But as Nier kisses him, he presses into it stubbornly, refusing to be cowed.
It's slower, sure. But it's no less crushing, no less overwhelming- no less feels like he's being stripped away piece by piece. Not like... he minds. He's unable to stop a faint sound of pleasure rising from the back of his throat- no less disinclined to savour every crushing press of his lips, no less disinclined to fight every sweep of his tongue with his own.
As their torsos collide, as their kiss breaks, he's... surprised, slightly, by Nier's head moving to the crook of his shoulder. And he wraps his arms around Nier's torso, moving his hand up his spine, and to thread, gently, through his hair.
Of course, he doesn't know anything about it. He doesn't know the half of the complexes this man has, and what seems like a perfectly normal, if intimate, gesture to him would signal to the other man.
But fuck if doing it isn't ...nice. He'd assumed, from the colour of Nier's hair, that it was a dyejob. Half expecting it to feel rough, brittle in his fingers- like dried grass- dead at the root and clinging, desperately onto his scalp. But it's different. It's thick, strong. Practically luminescent in the light, but so thick, and like silkthreads against his fingertips.
...Sorry, Nier. ...He really doesn't know.
But, his voice is firm.]
I'm notgoing to hurt you. I'm not going to break you, either. No matter what happens. [No matter if he wanted to fucking punch him just as much as he wanted to fuck him.] I'm not. ... I don't have it in me.
I do care about you. [ and his fingers dig into his skin with an unwieldy amount of force, not hard enough to draw blood but enough to assert his presence. ] If I wanted nothing but a fight, I wouldn’t go to you for it. [ and as his thumb rubs circles into the head of cloud’s cock, his fangs brush against his shoulder, dangerously close but never quite caving into him.
at the sensation of fingers running through tresses of his hair, he stiffens — visibly, eyes fluttering closed before he eases into his touch. ]
And if I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t have let you get away with that.
[ cloud had always held back; he was at war with some unseen force, probably himself, always afraid of a distant (or perhaps no so distant) possibility. nier had never been able to approximate what it was. he pulls his hand away from their cocks, and it’s damp with pre come when he flicks it. without any warning, he shifts in place, shoving cloud up and settling into his lap; his hips are pulled back as he hovers over cock, teasing just a bit. ]
I know. I trust you. And I like you, too. Even when you don’t like about yourself.
[ and a beat, before he loops his arms around his shoulders and makes a cutting kind of eye contact. ]
The second drawer. Give me the lotion in there. You’re going to take me.
Then stay here tonight. If you do that, then I'll be more careful. You won't have to worry.
[As Nier's fingers dig into his skin, he flinches. It's only slight, though. It's uncomfortable, sure. But his skin doesn't break, not even under that pressure. Probably won't even bruise. Physically, he's more resilient than most. That's ...probably it. Yet the discomfort, the pressure underneath every digit, does make his hand slow as it moves through his hair, settling at his scalp.
...And yes, the vague scrape of fangs against his shoulder elicit a shiver. As Nier's body seized a few moments before, his does- and... honestly... most of him wants to retreat. Perhaps it's some form of instinct. His mind's too addled by what they're doing to actually comprehend it, actually weigh it in his head and actually make the conscious decision to shrink back from his fangs- the instinct is more ingrained. More autopilot, given Nier's technical standpoint of being a predator that fed on fellow predators and prey.
Except that's all well and good. Nothing's strange about that. It doesn't get more natural than a predator/prey type of situation between a vampire and anything living. The problem is that regardless of any sort of automatic survival instinct kicking in with his body becoming rigid, his hips are moving forward of their own volition. Even more so when Nier's hand moves away. It only makes him more persistent as he attempts to regain the lost sensation.
Fortunately, he doesn't have to deal with it for long. The adjustment forces a gasp from him, his body relaxes somewhat, and the teasing... it can be tolerated. Sort of. if anything, because the shift makes a comment spoken just a few moments ago about some drawer and wanting to suddenly make sense.
...Even more so when he repeats it. Firmer, this time.]
R-right. Yeah.
[He's careful as he removes his hand from Nier's hair. Even more careful as he wraps an arm around his torso, moving his upper body to lean (with surprising core strength, nonetheless!) to the side to access said drawer. Since Nier's arms are looped around his shoulders, he's coming with, of course. But he manages it without displaying any sign of strain.
His only hesitation comes with ...actually handing the small bottle over. And even then, it's slight.]
Haven't actually...
[What the hell are you saying?]
I mean, you sure? I... want to. But I don't want you to be obligated. That's all.
[ nier doesn't make promises he can't keep. so cloud goes unanswered, and his pace slows like molasses, becoming something gentler, something more tender as he allows cloud some reprieve. he'll be back as an apex predator in due time, but for now he's focused on finding a seat; so with his legs wrapped around cloud, he forces himself up, weight now shifting onto his thighs as he slathers his fingers in cream. ]
I want this, too. [ there's a hand resting against cloud's cheek, followed by a stroke of the thumb. nier's eyes soften, kind as he looks towards him, before hardening once more. he spreads his legs, gradually, still hovering when a finger slides into his entrance. it pumps, and his eyelids flutter shut, a grunt escaping him as tresses of his hair brush against his shoulders. the sounds are slick and wet, and with a roll of his hips, he inserts another finger; stretching himself in plain view until he's in knuckle deep.
his lips tremble, just a tad, and with the way his eyebrows crease with concentration. two fingers scissor carefully and his features are drawn back into something delicate and vulnerable all the while. like glass, so easily shattered by a single touch. they won't be, of course, and the addition of a third finger makes that all the more obvious. ]
Cloud. [ he breathes out, a gasp escaping him. ]
—I'm doing this for you.
[ as to what, he doesn't specify. it's the root of all of this, isn't it? though his jawline tenses, his eyes open again, only narrowly. ]
[When Nier's body language changes, when he slows and when of all things, he becomes tender, it's hard for him to not sink against him, to press himself against him, to give in- to lower his head and embrace him, entirely and completely- to draw all of the affection he can get out of him by doing so until it was all spent, all gone, in sensation. He wants to. He really does- and perhaps if he wasn't as far along as he was, he'd have done it. He's certain. ]
I know.
[Except he's too far gone. There's something urgent, something pressing which forces his action of taking the discarded container when Nier's placed it aside. This urgency, this need, has him imitate the way of which Nier had coated his own fingers, even if between the combination of both the expression on his face and the sight of what he was doing to himself happened to monopolize his attention to the point he happened to spill quite a bit of it on the bed coverings as he did so.
Even if his cheeks are, by now, bright red, his gaze doing a series of haphazard dashes between his face and ...well. What he was doing, which is just as interesting as his expressions... his hand bypasses his own (substantially more needing, thanks to this display) cock to lightly wrap around his wrist, slowing his hand to a stop.]
Let me get you ready. I want to.
[Never going to learn, otherwise. Should Nier agree, he'd lightly pull on his wrist, removing his fingers, and replacing them with his own slicked ones. If anything, his own move to the beat of a different drum. He's only using two, for a start- and his pace is slower. More considered. A lack of confidence, perhaps? Or embarrassment? Or maybe even faint fear, that somehow, he could hurt him?
It's all of the above. But more than any of those things, it's inexperience. But the thing about inexperience, is it's something that can be easily got over. So perhaps, if Nier's got any suggestions...]
Like this?
[Tentatively, he spreads his fingers as he pulls them out, adding his third when he presses back in.]
[ it's...endearing, really — the sincerity to his resolve and the way he flushes. he'd been angry, determined to make him stand down, and yet he balks, tending to him like porcelain.
it's nothing nier's ever quite seen from a man. so with a nod he follows his silent command, and his fingers trail back to curl into the sheets as he aggressively bucks his hips up at an angle. he tightens around him, and body tensing before there's one joint, and then another, and nier's insides stretch and warm before a gasp of pleasure escapes him. it's always jarring — letting someone is, that in. but when he relaxes, he does so quickly and passionately, as though he were welcoming cloud into himself. ]
Crook them up. [ nier says, hips still raising off of cloud's lap. ] You can go faster. And deeper.
[ cloud is careful, like a treacle running in strings from a spoon, but he doesn't have to be — so nier leans in, and his lips brush against cloud's forehead as if to reassure him. it precedes a steady tidal roll of the torso that is far from gentle; he rides his fingers as deeply as he can, letting out a juddering moan, urging him to twist and turn.
a hand molds about cloud's shoulder as it grasps for purchase, and his lower back dips with a soft pant to accompany it. the ice blue of his eyes thaw with a heady kind of desperation. ]
You can take me when you're ready, [ it's said in a gasp, but even in spite of the way he flushes and his heart races, his words are trained — as if to not overwhelm cloud. ]
[He's warm inside. Despite the coldness of his skin, Nier's a few degrees short of body temperature inside of his body, and while there's... not exactly so much of a difference between exterior and interior- it's noticeable. Probably the fact he wasn't... entirely undead yet. He'd heard that changes for vampires weren't like those of werewolves. Their changes weren't temporary. Nor were they sudden, and they're sure as hell not reversible.
It's a reminder. A sorely unneeded one; a reminder that Nier's dying, slowly. That for all of their conversations about his death, both past and future, they're overlooking this. And normally, the thought would be enough for him to cease. They shouldn't be doing this. For many reasons- not just what was rattling around his head- but he's too far gone. Far too far gone to really think about it- to know that the small amounts of warmth present in this, in other things, are juttering out. One day, he'd just be cold.
He doesn't connect the dots. That's why he can't stop. He hates himself for it in a small sense, or at least the part of him that should know better does. But it's drowned out by need, by curiosity, by the way he tightens around his fingers, the way he shudders at each inward jab of his fingers, the way he breathily gasps into his ear and the way he groans when he does as he's asked.
He's. Lost in it, to be frank. The way Nier's responding makes his cock ache with need, abandoned, ignored- every nerve in his body screaming for it to be paid some form of attention. But even then- it's overlooked. Mostly because he doesn't want to stop what he's doing. He doesn't want to force Nier to stop riding his hand. The way his torso moves is too entrancing, the noises he's making are too ...nice, and-
His hand does slow when he feels his lips press against his forehead. He was that lost, that gesture's of some surprise, even. And he blinks- looking upward. He doesn't have to think before he responds.]
I need you too.
[He adjusts himself then; his spare hand moving toward the abandoned bottle. His occupied one moves slowly again- carefully now, as he removes his fingers- prompting Nier to sit on his knees just above him as he slathers more of the fluid on his cock. It's a quick motion. More a drag of his hand than anything else- he's far more careful with wrapping his fingers around both of Nier's hips- angling himself to brush his tip against his entrance. ]
Now. I need you now.
[His hands tighten, but he doesn't press him down. Not yet.]
[ where cloud is careful, nier is dangerously determined. it isn’t overeagerness, but it is passion; a hand curls around cloud’s bicep, drawing him closer as pale, stocky thighs bracket his own. with a quieted affection in each and every touch, he walks his fingers up cloud’s breastbone until he reaches his maw. and then tenderly, he brings cloud’s lips to his own, letting a kiss flood the two of them as he seats himself onto his cock.
there’s a pleasant burn of the thighs as they stretch further. almost intrinsically, there is a small part of him that panics at the intrusion — but nier steadies himself, and his shoulders pull back in a fluid motion before leaning in again like a curveball. this way he’s close enough to scrape his teeth against his jugular, close enough to hear the hitch in his breathing, releasing a slow pant in turn.
the beginning is uncomfortable, as it tended to be — but it does not deter him. instead his eyes flutter closed, and nier rocks into cloud with a shudder followed by a rumble of a groan. it pitches up into something more girlish, more coy at the sensation of cloud’s cock ramming up into him. as his brows tense, he grinds down against him with no mercy to spare regardless. in the pain, there is pleasure, and he swallows it down gladly in pursuit of the wildfire spreading across every inch of his skin. ]
Don’t hold back, [ he rasps, sharply meeting cloud’s gaze through narrowed eyes. they’re hard with concentration, the kind that’s edged and fine like a blade. another kiss this time, languid and slow in contrast to the quicksilver friction of their hips rolling against one another. it was a heated push and pull, one that made his very core ache for more. ]
Give me— [ a moan, interrupted by a biting of the lip. ] ...everything.
[The feeling he gets- of tightness enveloping him, of Nier's weight bearing down on him, the slow crush of his thighs on top of his, the squeeze of his insides entirely around him- is something that.... obviously, is new to him. So much so, in fact, that the sound's out before he even realizes it. As Nier's hand pulls him closer, his own arms wrap around his torso, pulling him closer to him in turn. The sensation of his hand inching up his chest, pressing against his skin as it moves inch by inch causes him to shudder, but it's a secondary feeling. Secondary compared to their kiss. No- tertiary, compared to-
...Fuck. He's still- He groans into his mouth, the sound muted, but deep. Heavy. He can't help but have his hips buck upward again- as far as they can against his weight anyway- his hands moving from Nier's waist to grasp both sides of his jaw after his teeth move against his throat. ...It's not a gentle action. But it's haste, rather than anger or disgust, that drives it.
...It's certainly not disgust. Not when Nier's bite does what it does, not even when a simple scrape of his teeth against his neck works in the same way, making his cock feel like it's twitching inside of him. But.]
Don't..
[His forehead presses against his. And his lips part, accepting his kiss. It's... indeed a languid thing. It's slow. But it's no less forceful than the rest of this. And it's a force he's more than happy to return. His hands snake around his shoulders again, nails pressing in- if anything- to stop him from pressing him down further.]
You don't need...
[A pant of a breath, a tremor in his voice. A push of his nails.]
...Time? You know. In case...
[Another groan. Smaller, a breath immediately after.]
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And if I'm lying to you now?
He's not proud of the thought. Or, more accurately, in hindsight, he wouldn't be proud of it- but for now, he's angry enough to not feel any sort of shame. Or fear. When Nier steps forward, closer to him, at his full height and with his eyes so hard, he's got to crane his head up.
But he meets it.
His hand rises, to harshly grab at the fur collar of his jerkin and pull at it- hopefully tilting his head down rather than ripping the fur from the seams. Should he be successful, Nier should find himself ...kissed?
It's not exactly soft. Nor gentle. But it's deep- deeper than any he'd previously shared with him, and it's pressing- pushing, actually- almost as if Cloud isn't sure whether or not he means to push him off the damn balcony or not.
Locking lips with a pissed off vampire. Not his best call.
But he's not thinking at his best capacity. Emotions.... all of them he should be ashamed of, to be frank, won't let him do so.
When he breaks it- he stares upward, almost defiantly- not letting go of his collar.
...He pulls on it again.]
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but then there are lips against his, still soft, even in spite of the pressure they exert against his own. the fangs make it a dangerous endeavor; it’s languid and hot, and he feels like he’s drowning for a moment.
when cloud breaks the kiss, they share a silence, taut with tension. cloud speaks with his hands, and nier responds in kind with his mouth, swallowing him in another kiss. his fingers thread through cloud’s hair, gripping him by the back to pull him closer as one of his hands grasps his waist tightly.
fortunately he isn’t at risk of falling off of the balcony, if only because now he’s forcing them both forward, in pursuit of something to shove cloud against as he kisses him. ]
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He's bouncing between varying emotions, varying feelings, so much. But throughout all of it, the taste of him on his lips lingers. It demands more- it's the only constant between all of the varying trains of thought his brain is haphazardly following, abandoning, and leaping between- and it means he's ready when he's kissed again.
It's different.
This is very different from anything they'd shared before. It's not delicate. It's not gentle, and it's not tentative. It's nothing of the sort- the moment Nier's lips crush themselves against his again, he forces his tongue into his mouth. When he's pulled against the other man so tightly, he retaliates by shoving his tongue against his, winding around it, flicking it, in attempt to exert his own control. To not back down.
When his waist is grasped, he finds his arms already having slipped up the inside of Nier's jerkin, grasping, scrabbling against his smooth, toned and cold chest, the only sign of his discomfort at his back, and his wound being shoved against the cold brickwork of the apartment wall a hitching of his breath- followed by a low groan.
Nier...
can probably feel how hard he is, already. The distance between them is nonexistant. And normally, it'd be mortifying. But this is different. Perhaps it's because he's flipping between varying emotional states. Maybe it's because any other emotion is simply too much to handle. Who knew. Who cared?
His hands, at least, know what they're doing now. They're both out- one of them looping around Nier's shoulder, as if in an attempt to stop him from reconsidering- from pulling away- and the other is pulling at straps, at chains, at openings whereever he can find them to try to gain access.
It's... an old-fashioned garment. More armour than anything- so as he fails- as, in this state, seemed inevitable, said hand snakes down his body, latching onto his trousers, pulling them, and him, by the waist, closer. Much closer.
As this kiss ends-]
...Your room. I want to go there.
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instinctively, he half-bucks against cloud, grunting against his lips. whether they’re stumbling, walking or falling doesn’t register in his mind; all he can feel is cloud around him, overtaking him, and he realizes he recognizes this feeling well back from the shadowlord’s castle.
as saliva strings between them, and nier’s chains clink at being haphazardly fiddled with, he feels the outline of cloud’s cock pressing up against his thigh before he can respond appropriately. ]
I—um. [ a blink. ] Yeah.
[ they get there, eventually, and when they do the door swivels shut behind them. nier removes his armor, and his nails dig into the hem of his jerkin, peeling it off; he is pale like the moonlight, the combination of his natural skintone and vampirism at work, and his hair falls sidelong against his face. ]
I know you’re angry with me. [ and still, he does not apologize, instead looping his arms around his waist, guiding him backwards and towards the bed. ] But I’ve thought about this for awhile.
You, I mean. [ said sheepishly, perhaps grumpily even with a crease of his brows, eyes darting to the side. ]
This is your last chance to stop.
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[It's a small statement- one that's tense, and one that's ...distracted.
He can't help it. Not at the sight of him. Nier's... beautiful, in such an unconventional way he hasn't seen, hasn't experienced before, but the sight of it, the sight of him and this beauty, presented like this, is too striking to not be distracting.
His torso is long, lean, and nothing close to delicate. Even if he didn't have muscle (which he does), it would be plain to see that he was strong. Highly so. Hell- he's broad, strong arms and strong shoulders littered in scars he hasn't taken notice of before- but his paleness, the measured way he holds himself simply is beautiful. Combined with his body- the way he is- it's indescribably so.
...He has to pull his eyes up to his face.
Even if he's being moved backward. He finally does so, only when the backs of his knees collide with the edge of Nier's bed.]
I don't need protecting. I told you that.
[He raises his hand to trace one of the deeper, more angular scars. That... It's dark enough to have been deep. Really deep. It's a stab wound- that can't be mistaken for anything else- and it's location...
It should have killed him.
He tilts his head, leaning back slightly, half-stepping back since he can't move any more. Then he moves his hands to his waist, rolling his own jumper up slightly...
And then he hesitates. It's only a slight hesitation though. His hands stop suddenly, his eyes rise to Nier's face again, and his gaze lowers before he pulls the fabric up over his head and drops it on the floor.
His own scar is prominent. Squarely on the centre of his chest, dark against the lightness of his own skin. It's sunken in slightly- perfectly straight. His hand moves to Nier's own, taking it by the wrist and laying it flat against it.]
No-one went after anyone for this. And I'm alright.
...What about yours?
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but then, the touch at his scar sends a shiver shooting through his spine. most had kept their hands away, for fear of how grotesque it was; cloud’s state of undress yanks back at his attention, seizing it by force, and nier thinks that he’s beautiful in turn.
...it’d been strange. he was thin, lithe in a way, but power as well, rippling with muscle in some places more than others. it’s not at all seamless, not with the sinew that protrudes through his skin — and the scar...
there isn’t much time before his wrist is laid against it. his fingers spread out, feeling for cloud’s skin. ]
You’re suffering. You have been for a long time.
[ this, he knows. he saw proof of that in of itself. ]
I would have. [ nier admits, voice low. ]
And I still would.
[ he buries his face into the crook’s of cloud’s shoulder, shoving him onto the bed with a push before crawling onto his weight. it’s a half straddle, and his hair sweeps against his shoulders as his palm goes flat against cloud’s stomach. ]
He’s dead. It doesn’t matter anymore.
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It's another thing that makes them similar. It's uncanny how the type of injury is shared. The position of it similar, the eventuality of it identical in both cases. These similarities they share, it makes him wonder how their mindsets are so different.]
Doesn't matter. I've made people suffer too. People that never deserved it.
[How would he react, if Nier got clipped by something he didn't know about? Would he be the same? ...He doesn't know. It's enough to mostly take the wind out of his anger, that's for sure.
Still doesn't entirely unpiss him off, even if it raises questions for what exactly they are to each other.
When the taller man's forehead touches his shoulder, he half raises a hand, half-inclines it to move through his hair in a gesture he would feel is intimate (and unbeknownst to him, Nier probably wouldn't.) and he's about to ask that question- but fortunately enough, he's shoved back.
He has to readjust, and the question goes to the back of his mind. Instead- he half-inclines his upper half up, to trace his lips against Nier's shoulder- focusing on said scar.
And softly-]
You'd be dead if you went after the person that gave me mine. I don't want to bring anything else on anyone else. ...Especially you.
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Everyone has their own sins to carry. I know you. And I know that you didn’t want to hurt those people. [ there is no telling where his hand would have gone — it’s too late, and they’re partially sitting now like this, with nier’s legs sprawled around his waist, cocks pressed together. at the brush of his lips, there’s another shudder, both bone chilling and hot at once.
cloud’s anger is palpable, as is the way the room closes in on them, shrinking in size; but his characteristic gentleness has not left him, and it’s why he must be protected under any circumstance.
so nier draws him into another kiss, rolling his hips against him. ]
...I’m not afraid of dying — or being hurt.
[ he searches out his taste, and the need to devour is building up within him slowly, a thumb tracing the scar that had distinctly paralleled his own. his hands smooth over cloud’s chest, squeezing before a few fingers hook into his underwear. ]
...But I can’t let you...
[ nier swallows, an unspoken vulnerability there, but it’s intercepted as his lips crush against cloud’s again. in between breaths— ]
It’s already over for me. But you...you’re different.
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[know that, would be the end to that sentence. But he's kissed before he can finish. As Nier's hips roll against his, the only thing that comes out of his mouth is a quiet groan- made quiet by Nier's mouth pressed against his- made slightly louder by the sensation of the other man's roughened dingers against that spot.
The answer is gone by the time their kiss is broken. It's faraway- some distant thought that he can't grasp enough to articulate. It's replaced by another, something that comes out before he can weigh up how to say it. It's something that's simply stated, stated, empathic enough to not need dressing up.]
And if I'm afraid?
[More sensation. He loathes reacting to it. He really is- what they're talking about- his (eventual) honesty finally exposed for what it was- shouldn't be an afterthought. But fuck- that sensation.
He opens his eyes from where they'd been screwed shut- moving slightly underneath him, hooking his legs around his and using his strength to reverse them, sitting on his knees pressed into the bed at either side of him to assume a little bit of control. And then he looks at him.]
You can say you're done all you want. Except you're not. You're here- and I'm not going to stand by while you get hurt, or worse.
[He lowers his head- again seeking out his scar. This time, his lips part against it- the warmth of his tongue peeking out- just a little bit- to caress the hardened tissue. The action is fleeting- light- and his hand's movement is purely exploratory as it omits the task of undoing Nier's trousers- instead just simply slipping beneath the fastenings at his waist.
He raises his head, angling it perhaps an inch above Nier's own. Then, his hand flattens itself against Nier's cock, moving against it in heavy, sweeping motions underneath the constraints of his clothes.]
Listen to me. I care about you.
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he finds his eyes drifting at the admission, however, bangs now vaguely obscuring their view. ]
Don’t be. I–
[ when he’s shuffled around, a grunt sounds through the room; one hand comes down against cloud’s shoulder, pulling him to him and minimizing the distance, while the other lowers until he can palm at his cock. cloud seizes a groan from him this time, but it doesn’t deter nier, not as his thumb rubs into the slit of his dick. ]
I care about you too, [ it’s said lowly, under his breath. ] That’s why I have to protect you. I can’t leave you alone. [ a stroke up as his eyes squeeze shut. ] I want to keep you safe, no matter what...even if you’ll hate me for it.
[ punctuated by a gasp, nier’s hand roams up, only to yank at the hem of cloud’s trousers. ]
I want your cock against mine. I... [ he loathed this word, truly— ] need it.
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[He's telling him not to be afraid. But he can't not be. What he says should feel like they're going around in circles, that there's no way they'll ever see eye-to-eye. And in a sense, it does. Nier, as he is in everything, is uncompromising, unyielding. It's who he is. Who he'd been warned about- the darker edge of every conversation they'd had.
But with this, there's more to it than anything so simple.
... So much more.
But then he says that.
His eyes lower- seemingly embarrassed- if anything from the thoughts that request evoke from him. His cheeks redden- his gaze lingers low- and he takes in a sharp breath before he moves his eyes up Nier's body, lowering, again, as soon as they reach his face.]
Y-yeah.
[Compliance mostly through inexperience? Right. That sounded about right. He moves his hands downward to Nier's trousers- fiddling with the fastenings of them (What can be said. They're more complicated than what he's used to) before he undoes them- shifting himself to pull them off his legs and dumping them off the bed with the clanking of chains and rustling of fur as they hit the ground.
He swallows, hand curling around his bare cock. His hand remains entirely still, but his fingertips lightly, carefully, glance the head as he speaks.]
...I'm safe. You get that, right?
[As he speaks, his other hand is working on his own trousers. He's not even half as slow with that. Soon enough, they're dropped atop of Nier's own, and he moves himself to straddle him. He lowers himself against him, his arm supporting his weight at the side of Nier's head. He positions his hips to roll against his- spare hand cupping against both their cocks to force them together as he presses forward.]
I'm okay. Really. [And, with a groan- into the side of his neck.] You don't need to go after anyone.
...I'm asking you. Don't.
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his trousers are peeled off, slowly enough, and his cock erects slightly, bobbing into the air; there would be shame, or maybe embarrassment under the right circumstances. as of right now, there is none however. only a sharp hiss at the fingers teasing the head. his eyes are affixed on him, brows drawn in concentration as he bares himself — and when their cocks come together at long last, he bucks right into cloud’s hand.
laying back and being done-to wasn’t exactly nier’s way. the skin of cloud’s hands likewise felt smoother than they had any right to. so nier lifts his hips off the bed, fucking against him purposefully, a show of what his lower body was capable of — alongside his want. he was devoid of body heat, and yet he feels his body going hot all over, throat now tightening. ]
You’re injured. Be careful. [ nier admits. when his lips part and he fights a moan, it’s so easy — so easy to see how incredibly feminine his face is in contrast to his body. ]
Nobody is ever safe. Nobody... [ the words are said through his teeth, like a wisp of air. ]
You’re too precious for me to just — give this up. You’re always hiding your pain. [ as though he’d been any different. ] Even if you don’t understand...
[ a little more desperately, as his voice pitches up— ]
Fuck me harder.
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[It's breathily spoken, and honestly... his answer could apply to a lot of what Nier said. It applies to both the injury he had (which was sore. Of course it's sore- but it's fine. It's holding up, and it's not like it's reopened.) as well as Nier's allusion to him showing a different pain- so he leaves it at that, shifting himself- just slightly- to touch his lips against Nier's creased brow. It's a glance, at most. An accident, at least. But it's affectionate, however it's interpreted.
It's strange though. There is an uncharacteristic warmth going through the man underneath him. They haven't... really had so much contact, not really, and even the heat from his own faint embarrassment, his nervousness, and this exertion doesn't feel that much higher than his normal warmth, so Nier's own temperature rise? It's got to be him. Perhaps it's the last remnants of a living man inside a dead body, or perhaps it's nothing more than his own residual heat, or perhaps it's something else entirely. He doesn't know.
But as for what he does know, what's going through his mind at present is to stay slow. To continue at a pace entirely different to Nier's request, to see how undone he could get- just to see him moan and writhe underneath him, to see him lose his usual careful composure in sensation. To feel more heat spread through him, too. Perhaps the thought's cruel. Or perhaps it's one which is purely curiosity- because... well, Nier's... beautiful like this. It hasn't escaped him just how beautiful he is. He wants to sustain it, extend it, as best he can.
At least, his head does. His body... It's kind of on another path. He's impatient. Highly so, and Nier barely needs to ask before Cloud angles his hips to meet his upthrust with a harsh grind downwards against him and his hand, unable to hide the cry that comes from him at the friction. It's... stifled at the very least, thanks to a last-minute adjustment of shoving his face against Nier's collarbone- backed up by another few thrusts in attempt to get more sensation, more feeling.]
Nier..
[It's a growl more than anything. His fingers have dug into the bedding around him, his hips digging down against him without faltering. He has to force himself to raise his head, to shift his stance again. His voice is a low pant.]
I... don't want to talk about it any more.
[Weak? Probably. but fuck if he didn't want this.]
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urgently, he works at the base, stroking up fervently before snapping his lower torso up. cloud wants to end the conversation — so nier does just do that, grinding as he jerks them off. pre cum leaves them slick, culminating in the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh, and nier angles his head up to draw cloud into a kiss as deep as the sea. he drowns in the sensation, tongue flicking against his, and hooks his legs around his waist as an anchor.
it’s a fight, in a way; deep inside, it always was. but his grip is protective, and perhaps a little nurturing in nature, and a hands com to cup cloud’s face when his forehead presses against his, the other still pumping. ]
How far– [ a breath. ] do you want to go? [ through gritted teeth. ]
H—...! Cl—
[ a strangled noise as he feels himself edging closer to the light; “do you want to be inside of me,” he wants to ask. a vulnerable, relenting question, the act itself even moreso. but it’s a show of affection — of, in spite of everything, trust. ]
no subject
In so many respects, it is a fight still. But their argument, the circumstances that led to it feel distant, far away- and even then, the only thing that feels like it matters is the drag of Nier's hand against his cock, the feeling of his own as it presses between Nier's and their hands, the faintly sharp jabs of their hips colliding at every downstroke. Every ragged breath, being unable to tell the sound of his own gasps from Nier's, let alone the sight of him, how beautiful he is while roiling against him like this- Everything else is distant.
..Apart from that kiss. He's surprised at first. His body tensed, and his instinct is to pull away. But the way he's touched, the affection behind it, it makes him sink into it, savours it, press against him to deepen it. The kiss lingers. When it's broken and when Nier pushes his forehead up against his own, it's as if his lips are throbbing- as if his body itself is begging for it to be sustained.
He does so. Or tries, anyway. He shifts- seeking to catch his lips again, but instead, he feels Nier's breath on his lips as he asks. That stops him.
And that.
That's... definitely a question. One that he has to force his answer to because what he wants is everything. He slows his hips to a stop- so he can adjust Nier's legs around his waist, make him a little more comfortable doing it, make thier hold a little stronger. ]
Don't know.
[Probably not the most assertive answer. Certainly not the one going through his mind. But it's spoken as his hand shifts from Nier's own and their cocks, trailing a long, glistening trail of pre up his thigh, across his hip and up the muscles of his chest- his head lowers to glance his lips against his shoulder. His fingertips find where they want to be, and splay against one of Nier's nipples, head tilting to find purchase in the incline of his neck. ]
I guess... I want to do what you want to do. I want to make you feel good.
[Spoken shortly before he nips against his skin, aiming to leave a mark.]
So tell me. Alright? We can keep going like this, or do more. With this, it's your call. I just want to be with you.
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I thought you were angry with me. [ he says through a small huff of a laugh, one that could easily go unheard to start with. ] ...People are different when you have sex with them while they’re angry. They show you the worst of who they are. Sometimes, they break you.
[ it’s a jaded statement, and you can see the way it reflects in his eyes, which rove up as though he’s somewhere else for a fleeting moment. his voice is stilted and deep, almost uncharacteristic in what it is. with the strength of his upper torso, he presses their chests together flush, and then buries his face in the crook of cloud’s shoulder. ]
But you’re different.
I knew that.
[ and somehow, i thought to trust you, are the words that don’t manage to break free. his grip now more fragile than it had been before, he leisurely continues to stroke their cocks tighter in tandem, pre cum stringing in between the two of them. ]
Uh...in the bottom left? Drawer, if you want to...
I don’t care. Whatever you do, don’t hold back.
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[He's quick to say it, and he means it. Nothing had changed in that regard. Nier wasn't his caretaker, and he had no right to think it- let alone overreact the way he had. His opinion hasn't changed on that. But it's spoken against skin as he's bruising the other's neck, his body tensing as Nier's fingers grip him- interuppting him by wrenching his head away. ]
You don't give a shit about me, or how I feel about it. You just want a fight.
[His eyebrows are pinched together in this new annoyance, his gaze moving down to the spot he was working, where he knows a bruise, despite his best effort, won't form. Useless thing to do with a vampire, probably. But as Nier kisses him, he presses into it stubbornly, refusing to be cowed.
It's slower, sure. But it's no less crushing, no less overwhelming- no less feels like he's being stripped away piece by piece. Not like... he minds. He's unable to stop a faint sound of pleasure rising from the back of his throat- no less disinclined to savour every crushing press of his lips, no less disinclined to fight every sweep of his tongue with his own.
As their torsos collide, as their kiss breaks, he's... surprised, slightly, by Nier's head moving to the crook of his shoulder. And he wraps his arms around Nier's torso, moving his hand up his spine, and to thread, gently, through his hair.
Of course, he doesn't know anything about it. He doesn't know the half of the complexes this man has, and what seems like a perfectly normal, if intimate, gesture to him would signal to the other man.
But fuck if doing it isn't ...nice. He'd assumed, from the colour of Nier's hair, that it was a dyejob. Half expecting it to feel rough, brittle in his fingers- like dried grass- dead at the root and clinging, desperately onto his scalp. But it's different. It's thick, strong. Practically luminescent in the light, but so thick, and like silkthreads against his fingertips.
...Sorry, Nier.
...He really doesn't know.
But, his voice is firm.]
I'm notgoing to hurt you. I'm not going to break you, either. No matter what happens. [No matter if he wanted to fucking punch him just as much as he wanted to fuck him.] I'm not. ... I don't have it in me.
[That, and Nier'd already seen the worst of him.]
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at the sensation of fingers running through tresses of his hair, he stiffens — visibly, eyes fluttering closed before he eases into his touch. ]
And if I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t have let you get away with that.
[ cloud had always held back; he was at war with some unseen force, probably himself, always afraid of a distant (or perhaps no so distant) possibility. nier had never been able to approximate what it was. he pulls his hand away from their cocks, and it’s damp with pre come when he flicks it. without any warning, he shifts in place, shoving cloud up and settling into his lap; his hips are pulled back as he hovers over cock, teasing just a bit. ]
I know. I trust you. And I like you, too. Even when you don’t like about yourself.
[ and a beat, before he loops his arms around his shoulders and makes a cutting kind of eye contact. ]
The second drawer. Give me the lotion in there. You’re going to take me.
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[As Nier's fingers dig into his skin, he flinches. It's only slight, though. It's uncomfortable, sure. But his skin doesn't break, not even under that pressure. Probably won't even bruise. Physically, he's more resilient than most. That's ...probably it. Yet the discomfort, the pressure underneath every digit, does make his hand slow as it moves through his hair, settling at his scalp.
...And yes, the vague scrape of fangs against his shoulder elicit a shiver. As Nier's body seized a few moments before, his does- and... honestly... most of him wants to retreat. Perhaps it's some form of instinct. His mind's too addled by what they're doing to actually comprehend it, actually weigh it in his head and actually make the conscious decision to shrink back from his fangs- the instinct is more ingrained. More autopilot, given Nier's technical standpoint of being a predator that fed on fellow predators and prey.
Except that's all well and good. Nothing's strange about that. It doesn't get more natural than a predator/prey type of situation between a vampire and anything living. The problem is that regardless of any sort of automatic survival instinct kicking in with his body becoming rigid, his hips are moving forward of their own volition. Even more so when Nier's hand moves away. It only makes him more persistent as he attempts to regain the lost sensation.
Fortunately, he doesn't have to deal with it for long. The adjustment forces a gasp from him, his body relaxes somewhat, and the teasing... it can be tolerated. Sort of. if anything, because the shift makes a comment spoken just a few moments ago about some drawer and wanting to suddenly make sense.
...Even more so when he repeats it. Firmer, this time.]
R-right. Yeah.
[He's careful as he removes his hand from Nier's hair. Even more careful as he wraps an arm around his torso, moving his upper body to lean (with surprising core strength, nonetheless!) to the side to access said drawer. Since Nier's arms are looped around his shoulders, he's coming with, of course. But he manages it without displaying any sign of strain.
His only hesitation comes with ...actually handing the small bottle over. And even then, it's slight.]
Haven't actually...
[What the hell are you saying?]
I mean, you sure? I... want to. But I don't want you to be obligated. That's all.
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I want this, too. [ there's a hand resting against cloud's cheek, followed by a stroke of the thumb. nier's eyes soften, kind as he looks towards him, before hardening once more. he spreads his legs, gradually, still hovering when a finger slides into his entrance. it pumps, and his eyelids flutter shut, a grunt escaping him as tresses of his hair brush against his shoulders. the sounds are slick and wet, and with a roll of his hips, he inserts another finger; stretching himself in plain view until he's in knuckle deep.
his lips tremble, just a tad, and with the way his eyebrows crease with concentration. two fingers scissor carefully and his features are drawn back into something delicate and vulnerable all the while. like glass, so easily shattered by a single touch. they won't be, of course, and the addition of a third finger makes that all the more obvious. ]
Cloud. [ he breathes out, a gasp escaping him. ]
—I'm doing this for you.
[ as to what, he doesn't specify. it's the root of all of this, isn't it? though his jawline tenses, his eyes open again, only narrowly. ]
You— [ another breath. ] know that, right?
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I know.
[Except he's too far gone. There's something urgent, something pressing which forces his action of taking the discarded container when Nier's placed it aside. This urgency, this need, has him imitate the way of which Nier had coated his own fingers, even if between the combination of both the expression on his face and the sight of what he was doing to himself happened to monopolize his attention to the point he happened to spill quite a bit of it on the bed coverings as he did so.
Even if his cheeks are, by now, bright red, his gaze doing a series of haphazard dashes between his face and ...well. What he was doing, which is just as interesting as his expressions... his hand bypasses his own (substantially more needing, thanks to this display) cock to lightly wrap around his wrist, slowing his hand to a stop.]
Let me get you ready. I want to.
[Never going to learn, otherwise. Should Nier agree, he'd lightly pull on his wrist, removing his fingers, and replacing them with his own slicked ones. If anything, his own move to the beat of a different drum. He's only using two, for a start- and his pace is slower. More considered. A lack of confidence, perhaps? Or embarrassment? Or maybe even faint fear, that somehow, he could hurt him?
It's all of the above. But more than any of those things, it's inexperience. But the thing about inexperience, is it's something that can be easily got over. So perhaps, if Nier's got any suggestions...]
Like this?
[Tentatively, he spreads his fingers as he pulls them out, adding his third when he presses back in.]
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it's nothing nier's ever quite seen from a man. so with a nod he follows his silent command, and his fingers trail back to curl into the sheets as he aggressively bucks his hips up at an angle. he tightens around him, and body tensing before there's one joint, and then another, and nier's insides stretch and warm before a gasp of pleasure escapes him. it's always jarring — letting someone is, that in. but when he relaxes, he does so quickly and passionately, as though he were welcoming cloud into himself. ]
Crook them up. [ nier says, hips still raising off of cloud's lap. ] You can go faster. And deeper.
[ cloud is careful, like a treacle running in strings from a spoon, but he doesn't have to be — so nier leans in, and his lips brush against cloud's forehead as if to reassure him. it precedes a steady tidal roll of the torso that is far from gentle; he rides his fingers as deeply as he can, letting out a juddering moan, urging him to twist and turn.
a hand molds about cloud's shoulder as it grasps for purchase, and his lower back dips with a soft pant to accompany it. the ice blue of his eyes thaw with a heady kind of desperation. ]
You can take me when you're ready, [ it's said in a gasp, but even in spite of the way he flushes and his heart races, his words are trained — as if to not overwhelm cloud. ]
But I—I need you.
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It's a reminder. A sorely unneeded one; a reminder that Nier's dying, slowly. That for all of their conversations about his death, both past and future, they're overlooking this. And normally, the thought would be enough for him to cease. They shouldn't be doing this. For many reasons- not just what was rattling around his head- but he's too far gone. Far too far gone to really think about it- to know that the small amounts of warmth present in this, in other things, are juttering out. One day, he'd just be cold.
He doesn't connect the dots. That's why he can't stop. He hates himself for it in a small sense, or at least the part of him that should know better does. But it's drowned out by need, by curiosity, by the way he tightens around his fingers, the way he shudders at each inward jab of his fingers, the way he breathily gasps into his ear and the way he groans when he does as he's asked.
He's. Lost in it, to be frank. The way Nier's responding makes his cock ache with need, abandoned, ignored- every nerve in his body screaming for it to be paid some form of attention. But even then- it's overlooked. Mostly because he doesn't want to stop what he's doing. He doesn't want to force Nier to stop riding his hand. The way his torso moves is too entrancing, the noises he's making are too ...nice, and-
His hand does slow when he feels his lips press against his forehead. He was that lost, that gesture's of some surprise, even. And he blinks- looking upward. He doesn't have to think before he responds.]
I need you too.
[He adjusts himself then; his spare hand moving toward the abandoned bottle. His occupied one moves slowly again- carefully now, as he removes his fingers- prompting Nier to sit on his knees just above him as he slathers more of the fluid on his cock. It's a quick motion. More a drag of his hand than anything else- he's far more careful with wrapping his fingers around both of Nier's hips- angling himself to brush his tip against his entrance. ]
Now. I need you now.
[His hands tighten, but he doesn't press him down. Not yet.]
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there’s a pleasant burn of the thighs as they stretch further. almost intrinsically, there is a small part of him that panics at the intrusion — but nier steadies himself, and his shoulders pull back in a fluid motion before leaning in again like a curveball. this way he’s close enough to scrape his teeth against his jugular, close enough to hear the hitch in his breathing, releasing a slow pant in turn.
the beginning is uncomfortable, as it tended to be — but it does not deter him. instead his eyes flutter closed, and nier rocks into cloud with a shudder followed by a rumble of a groan. it pitches up into something more girlish, more coy at the sensation of cloud’s cock ramming up into him. as his brows tense, he grinds down against him with no mercy to spare regardless. in the pain, there is pleasure, and he swallows it down gladly in pursuit of the wildfire spreading across every inch of his skin. ]
Don’t hold back, [ he rasps, sharply meeting cloud’s gaze through narrowed eyes. they’re hard with concentration, the kind that’s edged and fine like a blade. another kiss this time, languid and slow in contrast to the quicksilver friction of their hips rolling against one another. it was a heated push and pull, one that made his very core ache for more. ]
Give me— [ a moan, interrupted by a biting of the lip. ] ...everything.
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[The feeling he gets- of tightness enveloping him, of Nier's weight bearing down on him, the slow crush of his thighs on top of his, the squeeze of his insides entirely around him- is something that.... obviously, is new to him. So much so, in fact, that the sound's out before he even realizes it. As Nier's hand pulls him closer, his own arms wrap around his torso, pulling him closer to him in turn. The sensation of his hand inching up his chest, pressing against his skin as it moves inch by inch causes him to shudder, but it's a secondary feeling. Secondary compared to their kiss. No- tertiary, compared to-
...Fuck. He's still-
He groans into his mouth, the sound muted, but deep. Heavy. He can't help but have his hips buck upward again- as far as they can against his weight anyway- his hands moving from Nier's waist to grasp both sides of his jaw after his teeth move against his throat. ...It's not a gentle action. But it's haste, rather than anger or disgust, that drives it.
...It's certainly not disgust. Not when Nier's bite does what it does, not even when a simple scrape of his teeth against his neck works in the same way, making his cock feel like it's twitching inside of him. But.]
Don't..
[His forehead presses against his. And his lips part, accepting his kiss. It's... indeed a languid thing. It's slow. But it's no less forceful than the rest of this. And it's a force he's more than happy to return. His hands snake around his shoulders again, nails pressing in- if anything- to stop him from pressing him down further.]
You don't need...
[A pant of a breath, a tremor in his voice. A push of his nails.]
...Time? You know. In case...
[Another groan. Smaller, a breath immediately after.]
...don't want to hurt you.